"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

Yesterday I called in “sick” to work.

I feel bad about it because I wasn’t sick, I was fed up, overwhelmed and burnt out. I don’t know if that would have been acceptable to call in with, so I went with “a migraine” which was accepted without question.

Hmm.

I also emailed my Psychiatrist’s secretary and have arranged for a week’s hospital stay at the end of this month. I have to pay a $500 “gap fee” but can hopefully get that back from HBF a week later.

What I struggle most with is the constant, unending battle between the one half of me who just wants to die and the other half of me who stubbornly wants to live. It’s exhausting!

I can only take it day by day and today…I’m still here.

I’m

Still

Standing.

Hour by hour, day by painful day, I’ll have to keep making the decision to live or die.