Category: depression

• Just…do what you can.

  

  Depression is an insidious bastard. I’m caught up in it’s awful, sticky grip right now and it makes very simple things suddenly very difficult. Like showering. Showering means I have to take off my clothes. All of them. Already I am overwhelmed at the thought of undressing. It already feels like too much to have […]

  janetdthomas77

  June 9, 2022

  Burnt out, depression, fed up, identity, Illness, Life, rest, self help, self love

  cantcope, depression, Life, mental illness, toohard, toomuch, toopainful

• It’s been a year since you went away

  Hey Dad, Ed Sheeran has a song out called “Visiting hours” where he wants to go and see his Mom in Heaven. I’ve had it on repeat all day as tears have flowed down my face. I never thought I’d be able to relate to losing a parent and yet here we are. I close […]

  janetdthomas77

  June 4, 2022

  Author life, books, death, depression, family, grief, Grieving, happy memories, loss, Relationships

  Dad, family, grief, grievingbadly, hatethesefuckinganniversaries, lossofaparent, MissyouDad

• The Mountain I carry

  

  What is your first ever memory? Was it happy? (I pray that it was). I have blurry, far-away memories – as if I’m seeing them underwater and all the sounds and sights are fuzzy and not quite clear enough to be definite… I think I remember the hut I grew up in – in the […]

  janetdthomas77

  June 3, 2022

  anxiety, bullies, depression, family, Favouritism, Fears, identity, Life, Relationships, worth

  Favouritism, Life, painful, themountainIcarry, unfavourite, worthless

• I am in HELL

  I think I’ve taken a variety of Anti-depressants for over 30 years of my bloody life, I really do. Normally, they work for a little bit (I celebrate exhuberantly) then they stop working. I try and try to keep going. I try excersize, eating well, meditation, LOADS OF PRAYER as well as the medications. I […]

  janetdthomas77

  May 30, 2022

  abuse, addiction, anxiety, Burnt out, depression, Illness

  addiction, drugs, makeitstop, pain, pleaseGod, suffering, withdrawal

• Black box

  A talented artist Stan Walker sings a song I LOVE called “Black Box” where in the chorus he sings “There’s a little black box yeah, somewhere in the ocean…holding all the truth about us…there’s a little black box, a record of emotion…everything there ever was…” (** Black boxes are anti-breakable boxes on planes that record […]

  janetdthomas77

  May 19, 2022

  abuse, addiction, alcohol, anxiety, depression, divorce, identity, love, marriage, mental illness, narcissist, Relationships

  abuse, addiction, Amber Heard, black box, cheating, divorce, Johnny Depp, pain, Relationships, Trial

• Still here

  Yesterday I called in “sick” to work. I feel bad about it because I wasn’t sick, I was fed up, overwhelmed and burnt out. I don’t know if that would have been acceptable to call in with, so I went with “a migraine” which was accepted without question. Hmm. I also emailed my Psychiatrist’s secretary […]

  janetdthomas77

  May 18, 2022

  anxiety, Burnt out, depression, Fears, fed up, hospital, Illness, Life, loss, mental illness, panic attacks

  99problems, aching, afraid, anxiety, anxious, depression, mental illness, struggling

• I feel like this #struggling

  janetdthomas77

  May 7, 2022

  depression, Fears, fed up, Illness, mental illness, panic attacks

  anxiety, anxious, arghh, struggling

• Numb little bug

  I told my friends I was struggling on Facebook (I’m very dramatic, God bless me) and that I was suicidal. I did it 1) so that if I went through with killing myself, at least the people I love had a heads up and 2) in case anyone else felt suicidal, they’d know they weren’t […]

  janetdthomas77

  May 3, 2022

  anxiety, death, depression, Fears, fed up, Grieving, identity, Illness, Life, loss, mental illness, Suicidalideations, suicide

  anxiety, depression, grief, icantbreathe, Icantgoon, Icantmoveforward, ijustwanttodieplease, Life, mental illness, suicidalandthatsok, suicide, temptedbysuicide

• Obligated

  

  I feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders and OMG IT IS PAINFUL. It’s too heavy! IT’S JUST TOO FUCKING HEAVY!!! This is what I’m carrying: Responsibility for my Mom since my Dad passed away and THEY SPENT ALL THEIR FUCKING MONEY in 2 years. ALL OF IT. I just don’t understand!!! (Or maybe […]

  janetdthomas77

  May 2, 2022

  anxiety, death, depression, family, Family Obligations, Fears, identity, Illness, Life, loss, mental illness, money, panic attacks, Suicidalideations, suicide

  cantgoon, heavyweight, notsustainable, Obligations, responsibilitiesarekillingme, SOS, struggling, suicidal, suicidelooksmightyfinerightnow

• A happy memory

  When I told Jon I wanted a divorce, he left our house that night and moved back in with his family. Jon was surrounded by an entire, loving family while I paced up and down in the living room on my own for months afterwards. The first few days after Jon had left, the electricity […]

  janetdthomas77

  April 29, 2022

  anxiety, cheating, depression, divorce, family, Fears, Friends, Grieving, happy memories, Illness, kindness, Life, loss, love, rest

  anapwillfixalot, anxiety, depression, friendship, friendswillliftyouup, goodfriends, Life, mental illness, Relationships, sleepisnecessary, sleepisvital, thankfulforfriends