Category: mental illness
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Black box
A talented artist Stan Walker sings a song I LOVE called “Black Box” where in the chorus he sings “There’s a little black box yeah, somewhere in the ocean…holding all the truth about us…there’s a little black box, a record of emotion…everything there ever was…” (** Black boxes are anti-breakable boxes on planes that record […]
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Still here
Yesterday I called in “sick” to work. I feel bad about it because I wasn’t sick, I was fed up, overwhelmed and burnt out. I don’t know if that would have been acceptable to call in with, so I went with “a migraine” which was accepted without question. Hmm. I also emailed my Psychiatrist’s secretary […]
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Numb little bug
I told my friends I was struggling on Facebook (I’m very dramatic, God bless me) and that I was suicidal. I did it 1) so that if I went through with killing myself, at least the people I love had a heads up and 2) in case anyone else felt suicidal, they’d know they weren’t […]
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Obligated
I feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders and OMG IT IS PAINFUL. It’s too heavy! IT’S JUST TOO FUCKING HEAVY!!! This is what I’m carrying: Responsibility for my Mom since my Dad passed away and THEY SPENT ALL THEIR FUCKING MONEY in 2 years. ALL OF IT. I just don’t understand!!! (Or maybe […]
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Facts are facts
The worst thing about suffering with mental illness is that you can’t trust yourself. You live in a constant state of gaslighting yourself “did that really happen or did I imagine it?”. It is the worst thing to suffer from – not being able to trust your own thoughts. When I’m in the depths of […]
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1 foot in the past and 1 in the future
With my feet in different directions – I CAN’T MOVE FORWARD. That’s one of the really tough downfalls of having both depression and anxiety running through my mind at the same time. I’m either depressed and dwelling on the past or really anxious about the future. I’m deeply hurt and battered from the fight with […]
"I get knocked down, but I get up again" 