My week in a fancy psych ward

I completed 7 full days. I asked – in great trauma and distress – on the 7th day to be released to go home as I was the most suicidal and out of control I’ve been in years and it was due to the treatment I received in hospital. First let’s do the pros andContinue reading “My week in a fancy psych ward”

I’ve been admitted to a Private psych ward

I’ve been in so much mental anguish for so long that I knew I had to reach out for help. I asked my Doctor to write me a referral to 4 of the Private Psych Hospitals here in Perth and God made a way because I got admitted to HC yesterday afternoon. I shook asContinue reading “I’ve been admitted to a Private psych ward”

Brought Low

I was in Kmart, selecting size 16 (OH MY GOD WHY AM I SO HUUUUGE!?!) pants for my new job which was going to start after the weekend. I was so excited to be a Data Entry Officer for the Hospital and get paid a fortune for basically filling in boring forms on the computerContinue reading “Brought Low”

Stuffing grief down to my feet

…doesn’t work, guys. It just does NOT work. I am trying to go to work – full 8 hour days at the office (Praise God, I’m in a really great job with very little responsibility or I would have fallen apart ages ago) and be ‘normal’ while inside I’m crumbling and hurting over my Dad’sContinue reading “Stuffing grief down to my feet”

It will be enough.

October 10, 2016 First of all, the good news: I don’t have Borderline Personality Disorder. A very high-up Medical “fellow” (who was a small, black African woman – go figure?) told me I didn’t have it after interviewing me for an hour at the Hospital last week. I’m more than happy to take her wordContinue reading “It will be enough.”

Making hard choices

February 07, 2020 I’m the one responsible for my life and 98% of me wants it just to end. I just want to stop. Please. I think the last few months have really battered me. What’s killing me now is pure exhaustion. I haven’t stopped. I’ve moved from job to job to job – takingContinue reading “Making hard choices”

Sore thumb

October 23, 2019 Something about being in Coles supermarket sets my bum off. I don’t know what it is. Probably because my ass hates me and wants to poo when I’m the furtherest away from a working toilet possible. This time, a toilet was only about 500 meters away. Lucky me. So I was inContinue reading “Sore thumb”

JD. For the love of God…REST!!!

October 19, 2019 Before I start complaining, I’ve had a really good few days off. It’s been so good to wake up when I naturally am awake and not in a panic when my alarm goes off for work. It’s been nice to do a ‘full makeup’ look on my face because I can takeContinue reading “JD. For the love of God…REST!!!”

Carving out time for myself

October 16, 2019 My whole life, I feel like I’m caging myself. Watching what I say.Being careful to be soft, quiet and pleasing.Being what everyone needs me to be so much I forget who I actually am.I am so locked into being ‘liked’ that I spend my life – my whole life – playing whatever role isContinue reading “Carving out time for myself”

Bruised reed

October 16, 2019 I feel like a bruised reed in a rice patty field. Just barely hanging in there as the water rushes past me. My roots desperately gripping the watery soil and when the wind blows…well…it’s just a matter of time before I come apart completely. Just a matter of time before I loseContinue reading “Bruised reed”