Category: anxiety
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Friends make the world a much better place
I’m off mood stablisers and this is my 3rd week of withdrawing from them. It has been HELL. I’m not even kidding. So now that no medication is ‘stabilising’ me, I’m crying at the drop of a hat. Everything makes me cry. Toast that dropped on the floor – butter side up – I stared […]
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Surviving parent guilt
Since my Dad died, I’ve come across new things. Like crippling grief. Grief that looks and feels like 80 feet waves pummelling me, tumbling me, confusing and frightening me. Grief like that. Grief that – like waves – doesn’t let you come up for air. It doesn’t stop for a second so you can’t stop. […]
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The Mountain I carry
What is your first ever memory? Was it happy? (I pray that it was). I have blurry, far-away memories – as if I’m seeing them underwater and all the sounds and sights are fuzzy and not quite clear enough to be definite… I think I remember the hut I grew up in – in the […]
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I am in HELL
I think I’ve taken a variety of Anti-depressants for over 30 years of my bloody life, I really do. Normally, they work for a little bit (I celebrate exhuberantly) then they stop working. I try and try to keep going. I try excersize, eating well, meditation, LOADS OF PRAYER as well as the medications. I […]
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Black box
A talented artist Stan Walker sings a song I LOVE called “Black Box” where in the chorus he sings “There’s a little black box yeah, somewhere in the ocean…holding all the truth about us…there’s a little black box, a record of emotion…everything there ever was…” (** Black boxes are anti-breakable boxes on planes that record […]
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Still here
Yesterday I called in “sick” to work. I feel bad about it because I wasn’t sick, I was fed up, overwhelmed and burnt out. I don’t know if that would have been acceptable to call in with, so I went with “a migraine” which was accepted without question. Hmm. I also emailed my Psychiatrist’s secretary […]
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Happy Memory #2
Alun and I were moving house. I was SO EXCITED about it as the first home we moved into was something Alun chose while I was working long hours and when I saw it, my heart dropped. It was an old (VERY OLD) yellow cottage on a quiet street near a Primary school and really, […]