"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

Dear new Administration Assistant,

I’m leaving this behind for you – my tips to get through the day with TW as your boss. You’re in for a tough ride, so I wanted to leave you some advice and I hope it helps you as you navigate through your new job.

At first, TW will be very sweet. Charming, even. She’ll smile at you and make you feel like you’re the only person in the world. You’ll notice how blue her eyes are and that she speaks in a measured, pleasing tone.

Don’t get fooled, this is the time to put your walls up. Make sure they’re made of steel and as high as possible. Make no mistake, TW is a predator.

On your first day, your email inbox will start to fill alarmingly quickly with emails from TW. She’ll flood your inbox with SO. MUCH. INFORMATION.

This is where I tried to leave. Yep. I saw the 40 emails (!!!) in my first hour of being at the office and thought “Nope” and I quit. At least, I tried to.

TW cajolled me back. She has a way of speaking that is almost mesmerising.

Again, don’t let it fool you.

If like me, you felt instantly that this wasn’t the job for you – don’t let TW fool you into staying. Listen to that warning in your guts and go with that. TW will promise the world and everything in it to get you to stay – but she won’t back that up with anything real. So leave if you can. I highly recommend it.

If you’re made of stronger stuff (and believe me, you’ll definitely need to be for this job), then I highly advise these things:

Record EVERYTHING. Get a daily work journal/notebook and write down everything about your work day – when you started, when you went for lunch and when you came back. Write down everything you did that day – all your tasks and duties. Try to get every request from TW on an email. Collect solid evidence for your entire time in this role, you’ll need it. TW will give you a lot of verbal instructions that will be incredibly vague while at the same time, explicably demanding.

Ask her to send you those on email.

If she tries to back out of it by agreeing but then not sending anything (her typical move), take the initiative and email HER confirmation of whatever she’s asked you to do.

“Just confirming, you want me to file these here…you need these shredding…you want me to count all the stock and inventory it…” and keep all your sent emails in a folder because TW will try to gaslight you into believing you didn’t send a thing.

Make your boundaries early and do everything you can to make them stick. Things like:

• WORK HOURS. TW will try to get you to come in earlier and stay later for free. Stand your ground and only work the hours you’ve been contracted to do.
• WORK TASKS. Yesterday, I was taking rubbish out to the back of the building – TW’s latest demand. When I’d done it, I didn’t get a ‘thank you’, I got told I should have replaced the empty bins in the conference room with new rubbish bags. I got told I was stupid and useless. Don’t let this happen to you. Refer to your contract and the tasks listed there – don’t let her make you do anything else.
• WORK MEETINGS. TW will encourage you to meet with her in a private room with the door shut. If you can, either secretly record these “meetings” (or bollockings as you’ll come to know them as) on your phone or follow them up with an email confirming what was discussed/agreed upon. TW will tell you all manner of things in the meeting, then immediately deny them and confuse you. Don’t let her get away with it. I’ve only just recently learnt this as I’m preparing to leave, but they have special “Mental Health officers” throughout this building that are allowed to sit in on any meetings where you think a 3rd party would be handy – use this to your advantage and have someone else sit in on things so TW can’t lie about it and get away with it later. She will try.
• GASLIGHTING. TW is an expert at this. Several times a day, she will ask you to do something or get something for her and when you do what she’s asked, she will act surprised and disgusted at you for wasting time and will relish any and every opportunity to tell you off – ideally in front of others. She loves that. Again, when TW gives you a task to do, don’t do it until it’s in some form of writing so that she can’t gaslight you about it. Protect yourself at every request.
• MONEY. TW has a corporate credit card and will boast often and continually about how much money she makes and how much money she has access to. She’ll give you this card and ask you to buy items with it. KEEP EVERY RECEIPT. Photocopy/scan it so you have proof you didn’t spend a dollar over what she asked you to buy. You’ll need this. Every single time, she’ll question you over what was bought and how much it was.

TW is a complete sociopath. Don’t get caught in her web of lies. She’ll go on about how amazing she is the entire time. She’s so convincing you’ll find yourself agreeing and over time, you’ll find yourself apologising to keep the peace and doing more than you should to keep her happy. Making TW happy will take more and more as each week passes. It will be harder and harder to please her and you’ll find yourself stretched beyond endurance by the things TW expects from you.

Don’t.

Do what you are paid to do and not a thing more because she can’t do anything to you. If anything, she would get questioned over why you’re constantly doing overtime – so stand your ground and when TW does demand more and more from you (it’s a given and will start very subtly but then take on speed like a runaway train), know it’s okay to say NO.

TW has everyone fooled. Directors and everyone in a highly paid position in the office are all in awe of how “incredible” and “groundbreaking” TW is but it’s nothing original of her own – she listens to (and steals from) A LOT of TED talks, TW researches marketing strategies and is a huge fan of ‘latest trends’ on social media. TW has also taken a plethora of classes in “business management” and knows the right words to say at the right time to make herself look incredibly innovative but if you listen carefully, it’s a lot of ‘impressive’ statements about basically nothing at all. TW is smart and she knows all about how to get away with pretty much everything – but what she doesn’t have is any warmth, kindness or empathy. Don’t let her rob you of yours.

Lastly, yeah – she’s the “darling” of the office. At just 28 with 2 (very questionable) Uni degrees (and yes, she’ll mention these ad nauseum every single day), on paper TW looks pretty impressive. In person, she’s a hot mess. Wearing tiny dresses where her bum can clearly be seen with any footstep or movement (and there will be a lot of bending over involved, particularly when any male walks by) with her “super cute” (her words) 8-year-old boy’s sneakers is a huge red flag but it’s her SHOWING you who she is – a big nothing. A show off. A complete waste of time in a too-tight mini skirt.

Great. I’m losing my point here. Sorry. What I wanted you to know is that you’ll have a lot of times where you’ll feel alone. You’ll feel segregated from everyone else in the office. That’s TW’s finest work. Like an abusive partner, her goals are to separate, confuse and control you and she’ll do that within the first week of your job. Or she’ll try to – but with this guide, you’ll have your guard up and you won’t be so easily fooled. Don’t let her do this. Don’t keep yourself away and quiet. Go out in your own time and make those connections around the office. Chat to people, make some office buddies so you’re not as vulnerable as you would be if you stay alone – which is TW’s preference. She’ll tell you awful things about other people so you don’t talk to them – she’s lying. They’re really nice. The floor is separated into “5North” and “5South” – the 5 South crew – they’re your people. They’re the ones TW hasn’t managed to fool and they’re actually a pretty cool bunch. The 5 South office workers are what TW thinks “are boring idiots” because they don’t bow down to her.

Neither should you.

Spend some time with the “geeks” – the Geologists, the writers and the editors. The people TW thinks so badly of are the ones you want in your work day.

It’s okay to say NO to her weird and relentless demands, it really is. I was so scared to anger/enrage TW because as the weeks went on, her fuse got so much shorter. You don’t have to be scared of her, she’s got nothing on you. I’m only realising that now as I’m leaving.

This is the most important part of everything I’m going to leave with you – that It’s okay to not like her. You’re not the only one because I’m here and I honestly think she’s a piece of crap; covered in glitter – but at the the end of the day she’s still a turd.

You’ve got this. Hold your head up, focus on the tasks ahead of you, RECORD EVERYTHING and know you’re not alone, ok?

Hoping all the best for you,

J xx