"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

Sooo much to catch you up on. OMG.

Firstly – Alun got Covid, bless him. We were just about to pack the car for our few days away down south “Glamping” (the tents looked gorgeous – I’ll upload some pics of the ‘Glamping tent’ later from my phone) and Alun had a sore throat and was “feeling a bit rough“. For ALUN to admit that, meant he was actually very unwell indeed. Alun under-emphasises his illness/pain/injury so immediately, alarm bells were going off in my head.

On a whim, Alun took a “RAT” (Rapid something or other) Covid test and IMMEDIATELY it came up positive. I’ve never seen such a fast result in all my life. Alun’s face fell and I could see his disappointment. Our trip was cancelled of course. I rang the Glamping company and told them Alun had Covid. They were really lovely and refunded my payment even though I had booked fully aware of their “no refunds” policy. Praise God, I’ll get that money back in about a week.

Alun has been SO UNWELL but what made me worry most was how hurt and distressed Alun was by having Covid. He called himself “dirty” and “shameful” which is just not like him. Alun cried all that first day, apologising for catching it and shaking his head sadly, as if in disbelief that he could have it. It was evident Alun was really ashamed of his illness and that broke my heart. No one is immune from Covid, my love. Alun is “triple jabbed” and wore protective clothing on all his shifts so for him, he had done something wrong to have caught Covid. I think me NOT having it made it harder for Alun. I’m pretty casual with catching public transport and get annoyed with my mask, taking it off at any opportunity I can…so if anyone was to catch it, it should have been me. I know I would have preferred it 10 times in a row to hearing Alun cry. When he cries, you guys – my heart feels like it’s being ripped in two.

Alun took it so hard. I don’t understand why. Alun emailed me (he was up all night and emailed rather than wake me, bless him) and said he was so careful and “so meticulous” (his words) that he just didn’t understand why he caught Covid. Alun was so upset that all his care and following the rules didn’t protect him.

In my eyes, Alun is still the best Nurse in the whole world. Covid or not. He is dedicated, super smart, works so hard and is the best person to care for the ill/broken/vulnerable.

So the last few days have been tough.

For the first 48 hours, Alun didn’t sleep at all. He seemed intent on punishing himself and not allowing his beautiful brown eyes to shut. It was so hard to watch Al like that; Alun was so tired and had big grey bags under his eyes. The man I love looked so haggard and exhausted. I prayed constantly that Alun would fall asleep but for nearly 3 days and nights, he fought it. Praise God, Alun finally succumbed to the ‘cold and flu’ medication which made him tired and after his first meal in 3 days (Alun refused to eat, he was really, really suffering), he fell asleep. I was so happy to finally see Alun resting. Yesterday and today, Alun’s been asleep, bless him. He had breakfast and to my complete surprise – HE HAD A NAP and slept for hours. In our 10 years together, Alun has hated even the idea of naps, let alone have one. This shows how very unwell he truly is. Alun woke, made us both lunch (bless him) and went back to bed. He stayed there all day and is still fast asleep now. I’m praying he’ll sleep through the night and rest, rest, rest. It breaks my heart to see Alun so unwell and so devastated by Covid, but it brings me so much peace (thank you, God) to know Al’s finally resting and getting the sleep his body must be crying out for.

Alun is now determined to protect me from catching Covid (as I’m typing this to you, I feel absolutely fine. NO symptoms and I came up negative when I tested myself right after Alun did) and won’t come anywhere near me. Praise God, our little cottage easily splits into two mini homes – so Alun and I each have a bedroom, a bathroom and a living room. We only need to share the kitchen, but even then, Alun makes me leave when he wants to go in there and he uses things with his mask on, washing his hands after touching things and wiping the benches with antibacterial spray.

I know Alun is just wanting to keep me safe, but somehow it feels like a punishment to me. I so want to hug and hold Alun – especially seeing him in tears for a few days which was heart wrenching – but he will literally RUN from me and it makes him so anxious if I try to sit in the same room as him (even if there is an entire room between us and I sit in the corner, Alun doesn’t like it). So to try to keep Alun calm and help him focus on resting and recovery, I try to stay away from him.

It’s an incredibly LONELY week for me, guys. This is really hard. As a tactile person…not being able to touch the one I love is making me feel really unhappy.

Instead of having the week ‘off’ on holiday with my handsome husband, we’ve both had to isolate at home. I spoke to my friend Aurelie about being home and wanting to go into work if I couldn’t go on holiday and she suggested working from home. I’d never even thought of that! YASS, WOMAN!!!

I emailed my Boss a suggestion that I work from home – who texted his approval right away (bless you, Nick) and dropped off a work laptop with all the programs I needed on it a few hours later. It is the SMALLEST and most old, clunky laptop I’ve ever laid eyes on…but it allows me to work and earn money and I’d rather be doing that than trying to chase Alun around our home when it upsets him.

Alun is SUPER PROUD OF ME (go me!) and stayed up in the night making ‘my’ living room a work area. He made an “emergency fire exit” for me, a “ladies only” toilet sign for my bathroom and cleared the dining table, making it into a huge work desk for me. It looks amazing. I’ll post photos of that too.

That helped me feel loved and rescued our marriage. Alun also spent a tonne of money having a huge bouquet of flowers delivered which are STUNNING. I have never seen anything like it. The roses are HUGE and came with these deep red orchids that are just breath-taking. So beautiful.

I know Alun’s proud of me because of these lovely flowers and all the work he did to make my half of our home a ‘work-zone’. Bless his heart. Even though he’s really, really sick (honestly, Alun is so pale and weak – Covid is awful and looks like a super-flu of some kind), Alun did everything he could to make my ‘work from home’ experience as lovely as possible.

I did 5 hours the first day (it knackered me!) and 8 hours the next day.

Now it’s the weekend and I’m aware of all the house chores that need doing. I don’t usually spend much time in the guest bathroom, but now that it’s MINE, I need to give every surface a scrub with bleach, I think. It’s so grotty and dank and horrible in there. Yuck. I should have done that today, to be honest – but 2 of the ‘paint by colour’ kits I ordered online finally arrived today (woohoo!!!) so I was excited to start painting the house with colourful balloons from the movie “UP“. I’m so excited to see it come out finished. I didn’t realise how much BLUE there is in this painting! Lucky for me, it’s one of my favourite colours ever so I don’t mind. It was just surprising to see so many pots of blue where I was expecting a more ‘rainbow array’ of colours because of the hundreds of ballooons…but no, a majority of them are blue, too. GRR.

So yeah. I’m working from home this coming week and hopefully when I Re-test myself on Wednesday, I’ll STILL come up Negative (please, Father God) and I can hopefully go back into work on Thursday and carry on with that job until 4th April WHEN I START MY BRAND NEW JOB.

Yep.

Your girl here smashed out an interview for a 6-month Project Administrator position with Department of Transport.

YUSS!!! *happy fist pumps*

It will be SUPER STRESSFUL which I’m SUPPOSED TO AVOID work-wise…but I like the Managers (please don’t let me be wrong about them) and I think this job will be good for me – steady income in a location only a few train stops up from our home.

LOOK AT ME GOOOOOHHHHH!!!

So excited.

So blessed.

I think you’re all caught up now 🙂 only 8:30pm here but I’ll go and watch Crime on Netflix (YAAASSSSSS!!!) until I can fall asleep.

I’ll write again soon xx