I’m raging right now. RAGING!!!

I seem to swing from suicidal to depressed to frightened to ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FURIOUS and there isn’t a reprieve from this awful emotional roller coaster.

To calm myself down, here are the facts:

Jay is wealthy AF.

He has MORE THAN ENOUGH ROOM to comfortably accommodate my Mom.

Alun and I live in a tiny cottage barely big enough for the 2 of us.

We have hardly any money and we are struggling with week-to-week payments, especially as we both provide any and all financial requests from my Mom.


What winds me up is not just the INJUSTICE OF IT ALL, the AUDACITY to decide where Mom will live without asking us (!!!) But that Jay has wrangled it so that I look like the bad daughter for not being “A-OK” with the arrangement!!!

I’m not fucking okay with this.

Having Mom here makes an already small home downright claustrophobic.

I love my Mom and I love time with her but I desperately need time alone at home to literally survive. Having Mom move in INDEFINITELY puts MY LIFE AT RISK.

Why can’t she live with Jay???

Why can’t I SPEAK UP for Alun and I and just say “No sorry, we can’t accommodate Mom at the moment”.


Instead I’m highly tempted to drown myself when Alun goes to work.

I would rather die than try to say “no” to the only parent I have left…along with a powerful, narcissistic salesman brother who runs intellectual circles around me, confuses and gaslights me and I end up agreeing to things LIFE THREATENING to me because Jay deemed it so.

Why, God?!? Why can’t I just cut them off and live a happy, safe, simple, QUIET life at home with the husband I love???

I am sooo triggered. So fucking angry!!! So betrayed and down-trodden. I can literally feel the soles of my brother’s shoes on my back as I write because I’m SUCH A FUCKING DOORMAT that Jay walking all over me feels as familiar as brushing my teeth every morning.

I literally can’t go on like this.

How long, God??? How long am I going to suffer???

8 responses to “Triggered”

  1. I too was wondering the same. You should put yourself first for once. You deserve all the love and comfort. You are just too giving. The biggest hearts get taken advantage of …sadly. It just makes total sense for your mum to stay where there’s more room and financial ability.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tears as I read your kind, caring response because I feel seen, heard and understood by you, Shanti 💗 thank you so much. You’ve instantly calmed me down xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww happy that you’re here…hugs

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Makes me so sad to hear about how you’re bullied. Some things you don’t have to ask. It should be known that you need the space.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I wish your loving husband could read your blog. I’m sure he would say no for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My Mom was in a similar situation with her Dad. It is so damn selfish of people to assume that making decisions for others like that is ok. I hope that someone steps up for you and says “ENOUGH!” Much love you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My heart goes out to your Mom. I feel less alone knowing she experienced it too but I’m sad she did. It’s not fair being the family scapegoat and punching bag 😕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No it’s not. I hope things get better for you. It’s ok to say no to them. Saying no does NOT make you a bad person. It sets your boundaries.❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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