"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

Disclaimer: “Camilla” (name changed to keep her protected) is a woman at my work who seems really, really lovely. She’s polite, friendly, sweet and works hard. When you read my following comments and observations about her in this blog, they are really observations and concerns aimed at me. Not Camilla. This is how I see myself. Just wanted to clarify that.

I met my doppelganger at work about 6 weeks ago. It was uncanny how similar “Camilla” and I were…the same height, same body type (rounddd), same weight (overweight by a clear mile), same length of dry hair, same skin colour. We seem about the same age. We both have brown hair, brown skin, brown eyes.

It was like stepping outside of my body and getting to walk around it and look at it when I saw Camilla. Co workers found it hilarious “Woah! Twins!” they all exclaimed.

Great.

We work different shifts at 2 different locations so I didn’t see Camilla again until yesterday.

We really do look like twins.

It was amazing to be able to watch “myself” as I watched Camilla that yesterday. It was jarring to see that body. That hair. The back fat. The rolls! The fat that hung in sad, heavy drapes from both arms, the thick waistline, the greasy sheen on a similar face.

Honestly it made me want to be sick.

I didn’t realise how ugly I was until I got to see myself from an outside point of view.

Wow.

Ummm…How is Alun married to me???

How does he have sex with me???

Because I know an attractive woman when I see one. Perth CBD is filled with them – beautiful women. Women who are thin, curved in all the right places, women with sexy legs, thin waists, delicate wrists…Tall or petite – they are all sooo beautiful. Fit, trim, lithe, gorgeous creations with glossy hair, perfect makeup…the works. I look at them and I think “I bet guys drool all over you” and I can clearly see they are sexually desirable.

Then I looked at Camilla…answering calls and I took in her puffy, horrible body. No thigh gap. Big, fat, horrible arms that strained against her coat sleeves…just like mine.

The last thing I’d want to do is see her naked.

Literally the last thing.

This is really hard for me to come to terms with because in my mind, I’m still 32 and absolutely freaking gorgeous.

I’m not ok with being 45 and classed as “morbidly obese” according to my BMI.

Obese!!!

What?!?

So seeing Camilla has brought reality upon me like a tonne of dusty, dirty old bricks.

In order to fight this, I am on a mission to be as different to Camilla as I can.

This has to start with weight loss.

So today is day 3 of my diet. I’m struggling but I’m determined to see this through. I’ve named it “The Camilla Diet” to remind myself that the end goal is to look as different as I can to this current me. I used to be fit, fast, strong, healthy, powerful and my God, a HEAD TURNER…I was legit hotttt.

I’m going to get back to “her”, you guys. I am.

I’ll update my progress as I go. For now, here’s my plan:

LOSE 25 KILOS.

I’ll focus on losing the first 10 kilos by:

Drastically cutting down on fried, fatty, salty, sugary food. Instead of takeout every day, I’ll be having 2 meal replacement shakes and one nutritious meal.

I’m going to up my water intake to 1 litre a day. I know…we’re supposed to drink at least 2 litres anyway but for me, this is a huge change from sugary drinks all day.

I’m still pretty sick, so exercise is off the table for now…but the moment I can – and I’m thinking next week – I’m going to join the gym in the city and work out for 30 minutes every day after work. As I build up my fitness and adapt, I’ll increase to an hour a day but for now, I’d like to commit to 30 minutes of cardio every afternoon.

I’m going to message my old yoga teacher and find out where she holds classes and attend at least one a week. I’m fairly confident that Genevieve rents out a studio every Saturday so if she still holds classes “at the house with a big blue door”…I’m going to attend them.

I’m going to grow my hair and when it’s long enough…I’ll go back to my natural afro curls.

I’ll be thinner and have an afro.

Then Camilla, my love…you’re going to lose your twin.

And I’M going to get sexy back.

Once I lose 10 kilos, I’ll switch up the plan to more cardio, weight training, skip rope training and more water 💧

You’ll get updated pretty much all the time as I go along. Lol. Lucky you.