"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

When the plane touched down at Perth airport over a week ago, life started it’s rapid pace again. No more sleep ins, no more putting my hand in the warm, clear water of Koh Samui as a sailboat traversed the islands…just work, work, work.

In the last week, Alun and I have both been promoted. I thank God for the blessing of work promotion in our lives; especially as neither of us expected it.

But the promotion means more work and longer hours. We are both happy to take that on, but it’s…a lot. At least until we get used to it.

What I’m struggling with is my Mom.

SHE DOES NOTHING ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I hear her phone. Its pops and pings and coins rattling on her screen announces her gambling addiction loudly. She thinks she’s so clever and low key about it but dude – turn your sound off if you don’t want the family to know exactly what you’re up to.

Also – 8 hours NON STOP every day is a dead giveaway you’re not just scrolling socials. I think even the most hard-core social media fan has to get up and see friends, see family, get groceries – do something AWAY from their phone screen. But not Mom. No way.

At her height of gambling, she’s spent 13 hours on her phone in the kitchen in one go. She was on it at 6am when Alun and I left for work and when we came home for dinner, she was still on it. Mom was on it when Alun and I were watching the 9pm news that same evening. We both shouted “Night, Mom” at around 10pm and didn’t even get a raised head back – just a muttered “yeah, ok”.

So Mom doesn’t understand that life is going on all around her.

Mom wants us all to stop what we’re doing on the 3rd of June and go to Dad’s burial site by the river to pay him our respects.

“It’s a public holiday so you should all be free to spend the day with Dad” Mom wrote in the group chat to us all.

I’m astounded by her audacity, guys.

Just because it’s a “Day off” doesn’t mean we’re all ready and able to attend a FUCKING PAINFUL reminder that our Dad is gone, Mom.

Maybe the 4 of us – who work our asses off ALL FUCKING WEEK – including weekends – need that day off to REST.

Public holidays are RARE and when they arrive, I feel like the whole of Perth’s workforce breaths out in relief.

It’s one day amongst the madness where we don’t have to set alarms.

Jay and Kate have 2 little children they barely see. I don’t think it’s fair to ask them to spend their DAY OFF – one they could be spending at the zoo or aquarium, at the movies or AT HOME IN THEIR PJ’s making pancakes and spending time with each other in happiness – to drop everything and take Mom to see Dad’s riverside site for the whole day.

As for Alun and I – we’re exhausted. Alun’s promotion to MANAGER means he now has staff that look to him and he takes that very seriously. He’s doing extra shifts so staff can take time to move house, care for elderly parents, have time with young children. My promotion from agency staff to full time Government employee means longer hours, more stories, more meetings, more website updates and a HUGE PROJECT to oversee and organise this year’s annual report. It’s 220 pages of SO MUCH INFORMATION and I’m in charge of making sure it meets all the Government criteria but also reaches the public in positive ways.

ON THIS UPCOMING DAY OFF I WANT TO SLEEP IN. I want to eat a lazy breakfast at home with my husband. I want us to casually stroll in a park or sit by the beach. I want us to put our busy lives and work demands on hold and just laugh with each other.

I don’t want to be reminded that my Dad is dead.

I especially don’t want to be around Mom because if she’s not gambling, she’s asking for money, talking about how much she needs money, is spending our money or is telling us about ‘the family’ suffering in the Philippines and how we should be doing more to provide financial “gifts” for all 14 ‘relatives’ in Cebu.

MOM IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING TO BE AROUND and NOT FUN, especially on a rare day off.

We won’t get another for a good 5 or so months.

No one has responded to Mom’s DEMAND on family group chat. No one. She’s been on ‘read’ for 3 days.

I don’t know why Jay and Kate haven’t responded (but I can guess!) but for Alun and I, we’re PISSED with her demand to commandeer that entire day. We work SO HARD and Mom DOES NOTHING and now she wants us all to spend our only day off mourning the huge loss of Dad?

I get it. I know out of the 5 of us, Mom has lost the most.

But she doesn’t get up until after 10am every day. She stays up all night. She does what she wants when she wants ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

She has NO IDEA what it’s like to come home weighed down with responsibilities of work and not be able to swich off. She’s forgotten what it’s like to be TRULY TIRED and to NEED SOME REST.

I don’t want to go on the 3rd of June to feel miserable and listen to Mom and inevitably fork over my savings to shut her up. I don’t think any of us do.

Dad’s anniversary is the FORTH of June, anyway. I’m pretty fucking angry that Mom isn’t even choosing the right day.

It would be a lot easier on all of us if we were all allowed to commemorate Dad however WE want to on the FORTH of June.

Personally? Alun and I had already planned a memorial pint at the pub after work. Dad was a lover of a cold beer and a great pub so that’s how we want to remember him.

I just don’t know how to tell Mom without rage taking over and me launching her things out onto the driveway.