Tag: Life
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Just…do what you can.
Depression is an insidious bastard. I’m caught up in it’s awful, sticky grip right now and it makes very simple things suddenly very difficult. Like showering. Showering means I have to take off my clothes. All of them. Already I am overwhelmed at the thought of undressing. It already feels like too much to have […]
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The Mountain I carry
What is your first ever memory? Was it happy? (I pray that it was). I have blurry, far-away memories – as if I’m seeing them underwater and all the sounds and sights are fuzzy and not quite clear enough to be definite… I think I remember the hut I grew up in – in the […]
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Happy Memory #2
Alun and I were moving house. I was SO EXCITED about it as the first home we moved into was something Alun chose while I was working long hours and when I saw it, my heart dropped. It was an old (VERY OLD) yellow cottage on a quiet street near a Primary school and really, […]
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Numb little bug
I told my friends I was struggling on Facebook (I’m very dramatic, God bless me) and that I was suicidal. I did it 1) so that if I went through with killing myself, at least the people I love had a heads up and 2) in case anyone else felt suicidal, they’d know they weren’t […]
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A happy memory
When I told Jon I wanted a divorce, he left our house that night and moved back in with his family. Jon was surrounded by an entire, loving family while I paced up and down in the living room on my own for months afterwards. The first few days after Jon had left, the electricity […]
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Facts are facts
The worst thing about suffering with mental illness is that you can’t trust yourself. You live in a constant state of gaslighting yourself “did that really happen or did I imagine it?”. It is the worst thing to suffer from – not being able to trust your own thoughts. When I’m in the depths of […]