Some things stay the same…

I have so much to tell you and I’m so emotional about it so I’m not sure if it will come out right. I’m so angry, frustrated and upset that I just want to scream into a pillow for an hour. Have you ever felt like that? Bear with me. First of all – theContinue reading “Some things stay the same…”

Things I know about my Dad

Originally, I was going to call this “things I remember about Dad” but it’s too soon. He’s not ‘a memory’, he’s my Dad. He’ll forever be alive and well in my heart. So here’s what I know about him: Dad loved beer. A lot. Dad also loved talking for hours about nothing and everything. HeContinue reading “Things I know about my Dad”

Grief

My Dad – someone who often was my whole world in my eyes – is the first person I’ve ever lost. This is my first experience of grief and I don’t know what to do. Grief lingers in dark corners and is a heavy weight on my heart. Grief doesn’t follow rules of times toContinue reading “Grief”

An afternoon with Moiz

May 1st 2020 Some people you just connect with instantly – and they become your friend for the rest of your life. I’ve had a few of those moments in my life. Christabel was one of them. We met in the Uni “Megalab” (a huge room filled with computers for Uni students to use). IContinue reading “An afternoon with Moiz”

Where is my Dad?

It’s day 5 since my Dad died. I miss him so much. Yesterday I couldn’t face anything. I couldn’t do any housework or gardening. Today I made the bed and feel like I have it in me to do the dishes and tidy the kitchen. I honestly feel like a psychopath. I haven’t cried nearlyContinue reading “Where is my Dad?”

To his grave

April 26, 2019 It’s been 2 years since my brother acknowledged my existence. That is enough to break my heart. What REPEATEDLY breaks it is that my parents are OK with my brother’s treatment of me. HOW IS THIS OKAY?!? I currently have a blood clot on my lung and if it was to moveContinue reading “To his grave”

Ruined

December 25, 2017 I had a great Christmas morning. Alun – who normally hates Christmas – was in a giddy. It was wonderful to see him so happy and even though I complained about it, it made me smile to hear Alun making songs up about Christmas. It was mostly Alun singing the word “presents”Continue reading “Ruined”

My family

July 11, 2017 Since my last phone call with my Mom where she suggested “smelling flowers” to entirely cure my depression and struggle with suicide (aargghhhhhh!!!) I’ve changed her contact details from “Mom” to “Do not answer this call until you feel better” on my phone. I’ve done the same for my Dad. “Do notContinue reading “My family”

The things we remember

January 29, 2017 I’ve read a lot of posts on FB lately about the same topic – what we choose to remember. “Do 100 things right, no one says a word, but do ONE thing wrong – and they’ll never forget it” “No one remembers all the good things you did for them – theyContinue reading “The things we remember”