I saw that Mom was online and clicked on ‘video call’, smiling as I waited for her phone camera to connect with mine. I looked at the mirror image of myself in the corner of my phone screen and sighed – my hair was everywhere and I had no makeup on. I haven’t been botheredContinue reading “Just around the corner”
Tag Archives: family
Some things stay the same…
I have so much to tell you and I’m so emotional about it so I’m not sure if it will come out right. I’m so angry, frustrated and upset that I just want to scream into a pillow for an hour. Have you ever felt like that? Bear with me. I’ll get there eventually…I justContinue reading “Some things stay the same…”
Things I know about my Dad
Originally, I was going to call this “things I remember about Dad” but it’s too soon. He’s not ‘a memory’, he’s my Dad. He’ll forever be alive and well in my heart. So here’s what I know about him: Dad loved beer. A lot. Dad also loved talking for hours about nothing and everything. HeContinue reading “Things I know about my Dad”
Grief
My Dad – someone who often was my whole world in my eyes – is the first person I’ve ever lost. This is my first experience of grief and I don’t know what to do. Grief is obviously different for everyone. Some grieve lost dreams, the loss of babies before they got to be older,Continue reading “Grief”
An afternoon with Moiz
May 1st 2020 Some people you just connect with instantly – and they become your friend for the rest of your life. I’ve had a few of those moments in my life. Christabel was one of them. We met in the Uni “Megalab” (a huge room filled with computers for Uni students to use). IContinue reading “An afternoon with Moiz”
Where is my Dad?
It’s been 5 days since my Dad died. I miss him so much. Yesterday I couldn’t face anything. I couldn’t do any housework or gardening. Today I made the bed and feel like I have it in me to do the dishes and tidy the kitchen. I honestly feel like a psychopath. I haven’t criedContinue reading “Where is my Dad?”
Angry at the sun
I’m angry that the sun rose today. How could it rise now that my Dad is gone? I’m angry at every car passing our home, mad that people are going about their days when my Dad is no longer with us. Father God, how is today so beautiful? Why is the sun shining and theContinue reading “Angry at the sun”
To his grave
April 26, 2019 It’s been 2 years since my brother acknowledged my existence. That is enough to break my heart. What REPEATEDLY breaks it is that my parents are OK with my brother’s treatment of me. HOW IS THIS OKAY?!? I currently have a blood clot on my lung and if it was to moveContinue reading “To his grave”
Ruined
December 25, 2017 I had a great Christmas morning. Alun – who normally hates Christmas – was in a giddy. It was wonderful to see him so happy and even though I complained about it, it made me smile to hear Alun making songs up about Christmas. It was mostly Alun singing the word “presents”Continue reading “Ruined”
My family
July 11, 2017 Since my last phone call with my Mom where she suggested “smelling flowers” to entirely cure my depression and struggle with suicide (aargghhhhhh!!!) I’ve changed her contact details from “Mom” to “Do not answer this call until you feel better” on my phone. I’ve done the same for my Dad. “Do notContinue reading “My family”
