Panicked

I left work on Friday with a beautiful card of encouragement and love signed by everyone in my office, a little gift wrapped in flamingo paper (I’m hoping it’s a candle, I love candles) and hope in my heart that now I was going to get the rest and time to think and reset thatContinue reading “Panicked”

What would Dad say?

Well. It could go one of 2 ways, really. Whenever I came to Dad for advice, he’d either be compassionate and wise with some really good advice, or get really angry/annoyed at what I was asking about (maybe it was in the way I asked?) and would give me very sarcastic, hurtful advice…and possibly aContinue reading “What would Dad say?”

It will be enough.

October 10, 2016 First of all, the good news: I don’t have Borderline Personality Disorder. A very high-up Medical “fellow” (who was a small, black African woman – go figure?) told me I didn’t have it after interviewing me for an hour at the Hospital last week. I’m more than happy to take her wordContinue reading “It will be enough.”

Where is my Dad?

It’s day 5 since my Dad died. I miss him so much. Yesterday I couldn’t face anything. I couldn’t do any housework or gardening. Today I made the bed and feel like I have it in me to do the dishes and tidy the kitchen. I honestly feel like a psychopath. I haven’t cried nearlyContinue reading “Where is my Dad?”

Making hard choices

February 07, 2020 I’m the one responsible for my life and 98% of me wants it just to end. I just want to stop. Please. I think the last few months have really battered me. What’s killing me now is pure exhaustion. I haven’t stopped. I’ve moved from job to job to job – takingContinue reading “Making hard choices”

Carving out time for myself

October 16, 2019 My whole life, I feel like I’m caging myself. Watching what I say.Being careful to be soft, quiet and pleasing.Being what everyone needs me to be so much I forget who I actually am.I am so locked into being ‘liked’ that I spend my life – my whole life – playing whatever role isContinue reading “Carving out time for myself”

Bruised reed

October 16, 2019 I feel like a bruised reed in a rice patty field. Just barely hanging in there as the water rushes past me. My roots desperately gripping the watery soil and when the wind blows…well…it’s just a matter of time before I come apart completely. Just a matter of time before I loseContinue reading “Bruised reed”

Make lemons from lemonade

October 13, 2019 Have you ever actually tried making lemonade? IT. IS. A. BASTARD. To get the quantities just right and to make it something palatable and not disgusting takes work. A lot of work. So, to whoever said “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” – SCREW YOU, MAN. What if you don’t evenContinue reading “Make lemons from lemonade”

Sleep

March 11, 2019 So today consisted of: 8:30am – awake. Not because I want to be, but because Alun has licked his finger and put it in my ear. “Morning, Gorg! Margaret river todaaayyyy!” he sings. *sigh* 9:00am – help Alun load cases and bags of food (mostly of beers) into the car boot.Why?Because AlunContinue reading “Sleep”

Waves

March 04, 2019 I don’t remember how old I was – maybe 13? My family and I were in America and I think we were in Florida. There was a huge pool and Jay and I were splashing about in it, having fun. Suddenly, these alarms started going off and people in the pool wereContinue reading “Waves”