Painful firsts

Tomorrow is my first FIRST. My first Father’s day without my Dad. I can’t find the words to express to you how FUCKING PAINFUL this is. Dad…how can it be? How do I cope tomorrow? When you lose your Dad…breathing becomes very difficult…as if your very lungs are on fire. Your whole body aches terribly.Continue reading “Painful firsts”

Things I know about my Dad

Originally, I was going to call this “things I remember about Dad” but it’s too soon. He’s not ‘a memory’, he’s my Dad. He’ll forever be alive and well in my heart. So here’s what I know about him: Dad loved beer. A lot. Dad also loved talking for hours about nothing and everything. HeContinue reading “Things I know about my Dad”

Hurting

Oh My God This is painful, Lord. Losing my Dad is the most painful thing I have ever experienced And it’s ongoing. That’s the kicker. It doesn’t end. It shows you NO hope of letting up. My Dad 😭 My Dad is gone. Losing my Dad is like losing the marrow from my very bones.Continue reading “Hurting”

What would Dad say?

Well. It could go one of 2 ways, really. Whenever I came to Dad for advice, he’d either be compassionate and wise with some really good advice, or get really angry/annoyed at what I was asking about (maybe it was in the way I asked?) and would give me very sarcastic, hurtful advice…and possibly aContinue reading “What would Dad say?”

It doesn’t get easier

It’s been about 5 weeks since I lost my Dad. I don’t feel any less lost, hurt, devastated or shocked than I did when I first got that God-awful horrendous phone call from my poor Mom telling me that Dad had unexpectedly passed away in the early hours of that morning. When I think backContinue reading “It doesn’t get easier”

Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent

I thought I had a good 15-20 years left of having Dad in my life before having to consider and accept that yes, he can’t live forever. I’d be older then and more mature (lol) and would be able to spend more time with Dad. Time. That’s the kicker. Because we don’t get to controlContinue reading “Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent”

Hey Dad,

I had no idea that one day you would just be…gone. I don’t remember meeting you, I was only 3…but you do. You told me that I was very shy and skittish and you had to win me over. I bet you did that by being gentle, sweet and kind. I have always felt safeContinue reading “Hey Dad,”

Grief doesn’t play by the rules

I’ve cried so much over the last few days. Sometimes I think I see my Dad in the crowd and my heart leaps. Yesterday I thought I heard him behind me, telling Mom she could go to Myer and he would be more than happy to wait it out in a nearby pub. I turnedContinue reading “Grief doesn’t play by the rules”

Navigating stormy, unfamiliar waters

I’ve been blessed in my life because I’ve never lost anyone close to me. I wasn’t aware just how special that was until my Dad died, you know. I get angry at God – my first experience losing someone in my life and it couldn’t be an old high school buddy, Lord? It couldn’t beContinue reading “Navigating stormy, unfamiliar waters”

Where is my Dad?

It’s been 5 days since my Dad died. I miss him so much. Yesterday I couldn’t face anything. I couldn’t do any housework or gardening. Today I made the bed and feel like I have it in me to do the dishes and tidy the kitchen. I honestly feel like a psychopath. I haven’t criedContinue reading “Where is my Dad?”