Panicked

I left work on Friday with a beautiful card of encouragement and love signed by everyone in my office, a little gift wrapped in flamingo paper (I’m hoping it’s a candle, I love candles) and hope in my heart that now I was going to get the rest and time to think and reset thatContinue reading “Panicked”

Bruised reed

October 16, 2019 I feel like a bruised reed in a rice patty field. Just barely hanging in there as the water rushes past me. My roots desperately gripping the watery soil and when the wind blows…well…it’s just a matter of time before I come apart completely. Just a matter of time before I loseContinue reading “Bruised reed”

“I will try to fix you”

February 14, 2019 That’s one of the most moving songs I’ve ever heard – Coldplay’s “Fix you”. Because in the song, he loves someone and just wants to help them. And that is what Alun, my Psych and my closest and dearest friends are trying to do with me, they all want to fix me. I understandContinue reading ““I will try to fix you””

Panic attacks

May 23, 2018 I’ve not experienced them a lot in my life – or if I have, they’ve been so few and far between and not as frightening – so I haven’t had much chance to remember them…but the ones I’m having lately? I will never forget. Panic attacks. They suck balls. I got my firstContinue reading “Panic attacks”

The middle of the road

July 07, 2017 So. Since Tuesday, I’ve been home. When Alun and I left Dr D’s on Tuesday morning, she signed me a Medical Certificate for the next 2 weeks. I’m stressing about every second I’m not at work. Because they’re not going to ‘wait’ for me to get better. They’re not going to holdContinue reading “The middle of the road”

Really scared – of myself and what I’ll do

July 03, 2017 My ladypains will arrive any day now. And with it, my imminent death. I know – I know. “So dramatic, Janet”. But I know it deep in my bones. I will die this week. In the last 7-10 years, my lady pains have revealed themselves through ABSOLUTE RAGE. Rage that is all-consuming andContinue reading “Really scared – of myself and what I’ll do”

20 minutes until I’m a year older

It’s like you blink and you miss it…12 years of your life. I swear, I was turning 32 years old and thinking half my life was over. Haha. I was in the prime of my life, actually. I’d lost weight and was getting divorced and moving back to Australia after 7 years away in Liverpool.Continue reading “20 minutes until I’m a year older”

Because of you, I don’t open the windows anymore

That’s what you said when you tried to break into my home, you said the shutters were open and that meant you could come in. Let me assure you, having blinds open in a window – any window – is not an open invitation to jump someone’s gate and pound on their front door, demandingContinue reading “Because of you, I don’t open the windows anymore”

Home after the Dentist

One of the WORST moments of my ENTIRE life was when I was leaving a Dentist’s office after having a tooth taken out. My cheek was swollen and my whole jaw felt as if it was being repeatedly bashed by someone with a baseball bat and a bad temper. Crying, I signed the medical bill,Continue reading “Home after the Dentist”

Thank you

I used to date a scary, incredibly abusive guy. When HE decided to leave ME (the only way the relationship was going to end because I’d bonded with my captor), Dad agreed to drive us both to the airport. We watched Gavin’s suitcases, TV (yes, he took the only TV ‘we’ had in ‘our’ apartment)Continue reading “Thank you”