What do I want?

It’s not often I ask myself what I want because I’m normally busy trying to look after everyone else. No one expects that of me and when I think about it in objective terms, very few people in my life ask me to care for them, but I expect it of myself. I expect 5-starContinue reading “What do I want?”

The rip

I read a book called “The Rip” maybe a year ago? While the title hinted at a powerful current that literally RIPS you from one place of relative safety suddenly – and I’ve heard it happens in seconds – out to sea – the book was about a girl trying her best to break awayContinue reading “The rip”

Catch you up

Hey hey. OMG the times I’ve wanted to write to you!!! I have had so much to tell you and talk about and now that I finally have the chance, I just want a slice of chocolate mud cake and to be able to do nothing at all. Haha. The bottom dishwasher drawer is open,Continue reading “Catch you up”

My week in a fancy psych ward

I completed 7 full days. I asked – in great trauma and distress – on the 7th day to be released to go home as I was the most suicidal and out of control I’ve been in years and it was due to the treatment I received in hospital. First let’s do the pros andContinue reading “My week in a fancy psych ward”

I’ve been admitted to a Private psych ward

I’ve been in so much mental anguish for so long that I knew I had to reach out for help. I asked my Doctor to write me a referral to 4 of the Private Psych Hospitals here in Perth and God made a way because I got admitted to HC yesterday afternoon. I shook asContinue reading “I’ve been admitted to a Private psych ward”

Panicked

I left work on Friday with a beautiful card of encouragement and love signed by everyone in my office, a little gift wrapped in flamingo paper (I’m hoping it’s a candle, I love candles) and hope in my heart that now I was going to get the rest and time to think and reset thatContinue reading “Panicked”

Bruised reed

October 16, 2019 I feel like a bruised reed in a rice patty field. Just barely hanging in there as the water rushes past me. My roots desperately gripping the watery soil and when the wind blows…well…it’s just a matter of time before I come apart completely. Just a matter of time before I loseContinue reading “Bruised reed”

“I will try to fix you”

February 14, 2019 That’s one of the most moving songs I’ve ever heard – Coldplay’s “Fix you”. Because in the song, he loves someone and just wants to help them. And that is what Alun, my Psych and my closest and dearest friends are trying to do with me, they all want to fix me. I understandContinue reading ““I will try to fix you””

Panic attacks

May 23, 2018 I’ve not experienced them a lot in my life – or if I have, they’ve been so few and far between and not as frightening – so I haven’t had much chance to remember them…but the ones I’m having lately? I will never forget. Panic attacks. They suck balls. I got my firstContinue reading “Panic attacks”

The middle of the road

July 07, 2017 So. Since Tuesday, I’ve been home. When Alun and I left Dr D’s on Tuesday morning, she signed me a Medical Certificate for the next 2 weeks. I’m stressing about every second I’m not at work. Because they’re not going to ‘wait’ for me to get better. They’re not going to holdContinue reading “The middle of the road”