Painful firsts

Tomorrow is my first FIRST. My first Father’s day without my Dad. I can’t find the words to express to you how FUCKING PAINFUL this is. Dad…how can it be? How do I cope tomorrow? When you lose your Dad…breathing becomes very difficult…as if your very lungs are on fire. Your whole body aches terribly.Continue reading “Painful firsts”

The world is different without my Dad in it

I feel like even the air hangs differently without my Dad somewhere on this earth, laughing in his gruff, deep voice and shaking his head because he’s “chuffed” with something. I miss my Dad. Grief doesn’t arrive when I’m alone at home on a weekend where I can just cry. Instead, it gripped me tightContinue reading “The world is different without my Dad in it”

Good Date #1

I can’t think of Patrick without smiling, you know that? For a friend with benefits, he’s actually one of my favourite memories. Our first ‘date’ was at my Mom’s apartment. I was divorced, broke and had moved in with Mom to save money. She was away that night – going to a concert with herContinue reading “Good Date #1”

These are a few of my favourite things

I’ve cried EVERY SINGLE DAY since my Dad passed away and I can’t keep blogging about my grief. Although I feel it every day – a heavy rock on my heart, reminding me my Dad is GONE and I will NEVER see his lovely face again…I need to at least try to write about somethingContinue reading “These are a few of my favourite things”

Things too painful to speak of

This is one of the most painful and one of the BEST blogs I have EVER written.

Some things stay the same…

I have so much to tell you and I’m so emotional about it so I’m not sure if it will come out right. I’m so angry, frustrated and upset that I just want to scream into a pillow for an hour. Have you ever felt like that? Bear with me. I’ll get there eventually…I justContinue reading “Some things stay the same…”

Things I know about my Dad

Originally, I was going to call this “things I remember about Dad” but it’s too soon. He’s not ‘a memory’, he’s my Dad. He’ll forever be alive and well in my heart. So here’s what I know about him: Dad loved beer. A lot. Dad also loved talking for hours about nothing and everything. HeContinue reading “Things I know about my Dad”

Grief

My Dad – someone who often was my whole world in my eyes – is the first person I’ve ever lost. This is my first experience of grief and I don’t know what to do. Grief is obviously different for everyone. Some grieve lost dreams, the loss of babies before they got to be older,Continue reading “Grief”

What would Dad say?

Well. It could go one of 2 ways, really. Whenever I came to Dad for advice, he’d either be compassionate and wise with some really good advice, or get really angry/annoyed at what I was asking about (maybe it was in the way I asked?) and would give me very sarcastic, hurtful advice…and possibly aContinue reading “What would Dad say?”