Painful firsts

Tomorrow is my first FIRST. My first Father’s day without my Dad. I can’t find the words to express to you how FUCKING PAINFUL this is. Dad…how can it be? How do I cope tomorrow? When you lose your Dad…breathing becomes very difficult…as if your very lungs are on fire. Your whole body aches terribly.Continue reading “Painful firsts”

The world is different without my Dad in it

I feel like even the air hangs differently without my Dad somewhere on this earth, laughing in his gruff, deep voice and shaking his head because he’s “chuffed” with something. I miss my Dad. Grief doesn’t arrive when I’m alone at home on a weekend where I can just cry. Instead, it gripped me tightContinue reading “The world is different without my Dad in it”

Things too painful to speak of

This is one of the most painful and one of the BEST blogs I have EVER written.

Things I know about my Dad

Originally, I was going to call this “things I remember about Dad” but it’s too soon. He’s not ‘a memory’, he’s my Dad. He’ll forever be alive and well in my heart. So here’s what I know about him: Dad loved beer. A lot. Dad also loved talking for hours about nothing and everything. HeContinue reading “Things I know about my Dad”

Hurting

Oh My God This is painful, Lord. Losing my Dad is the most painful thing I have ever experienced And it’s ongoing. That’s the kicker. It doesn’t end. It shows you NO hope of letting up. My Dad 😭 My Dad is gone. Losing my Dad is like losing the marrow from my very bones.Continue reading “Hurting”

Panicked

I left work on Friday with a beautiful card of encouragement and love signed by everyone in my office, a little gift wrapped in flamingo paper (I’m hoping it’s a candle, I love candles) and hope in my heart that now I was going to get the rest and time to think and reset thatContinue reading “Panicked”

Grief

My Dad – someone who often was my whole world in my eyes – is the first person I’ve ever lost. This is my first experience of grief and I don’t know what to do. Grief is obviously different for everyone. Some grieve lost dreams, the loss of babies before they got to be older,Continue reading “Grief”

Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent

I thought I had a good 15-20 years left of having Dad in my life before having to consider and accept that yes, he can’t live forever. I’d be older then and more mature (lol) and would be able to spend more time with Dad. Time. That’s the kicker. Because we don’t get to controlContinue reading “Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent”

Hey Dad,

I had no idea that one day you would just be…gone. I don’t remember meeting you, I was only 3…but you do. You told me that I was very shy and skittish and you had to win me over. I bet you did that by being gentle, sweet and kind. I have always felt safeContinue reading “Hey Dad,”

Grief doesn’t play by the rules

I’ve cried so much over the last few days. Sometimes I think I see my Dad in the crowd and my heart leaps. Yesterday I thought I heard him behind me, telling Mom she could go to Myer and he would be more than happy to wait it out in a nearby pub. I turnedContinue reading “Grief doesn’t play by the rules”