These blogs are my heart online.
Welcome to the inner workings of my heart and mind xx
Posted on Medium – sharing here for beloved friends who aren’t on Medium:
THE STIRRINGS OF AN ESCAPE PLAN – IN MY PAJAMAS. It was my responsibility to take the garbage out. It was my responsibility to do a lot of things, but I liked taking the garbage out because it was the one time of day he didn’t ‘escort’ me. It was the only time of the day he…
“Holding space” for you.
I learnt about this concept a few years ago, I think – making space for someone. It’s where you set aside space in your day to listen to and support someone you love. When you ‘make space’ for someone – you make a decision to love and care for them. (Edit: Oh hahaha I’ve just…
Dealing with my 1st Troll.
Huh. I guess I’ve been really blessed and protected along my blogging journey because I’ve not come up against a “Troll” before but yesterday (I saw it this morning) someone got riled up and left me a discouraging comment. I’d written a post on ways to survive in toxic work environments (I think I’ve posted…
I miss singing with my brother.
Memories rise from so long ago. Memories of Jay strumming on his guitar while we sang together. I think there is a magical ✨️ “thing” that happens when siblings sing together. Something intangible and incredible happens when siblings unite in melodies. Sibling’s voices are automatically geared for perfect harmony. Something about singing with Jay was…
Great ball of fire.
Or in my case – ball of FUCKING RAGE. I don’t know where it came from or why it’s here, but I AM ABSOLUTELY RAGING. Everything makes me want to scream. Have you ever gone through this? I don’t have the patience I’m very used to having. I’ve worked in offices and mostly in a…
My medium article – on being gaslit and emotionally abused:
I like to think of myself as creative, you know. Arty. When my brother (“the favourite”) was getting accolades for being his golden, amazing self, I’d cheer myself up and think “You might be salesman of the year — but I’m the one who notices the sunlight through a dew drop on a leaf”. I notice scratches and…
Literally losing my mind.
I don’t know if it’s stress, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideas/daydreams – or all combined – or none of it and I’m just getting dementia earlier on in my life – but I’m losing my mind, guys. I’m losing it. I’ve caught the wrong bus and ended up in Aussie wilderness (we call it “whoop whoop”)…
“Is there a bar up there?”
I think of my Dad up in heaven, clinking glasses with his mates and “having a good yarn” (Aussie for a long talk) with everyone around him. That, I’m ok with. I am not okay with releasing Dad’s ashes this June, though. Fuck THAT. I’m terrified that if I let Dad go…all my memories of…
My money doesn’t jiggle jiggle, it folds 🙂
This month’s Medium earnings: Not bad from my 1st payment of $10.25USD…I’m slowly getting there!
Dad trying to live vicariously through me.
I suspect my Dad wanted to be a sports legend. Because he’d “missed his shot”, Dad tried to achieve his goal through me instead. At first, trying new things was fun. “Netball!” Dad exclaimed one day. “Huh?” I didn’t even look away from the TV. I’m a couch person, me. “All Aussie girls play Netball,…
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"I get knocked down, but I get up again" 