These blogs are my heart online.
Welcome to the inner workings of my heart and mind xx
I’m usually very quiet. I’m polite. I’m gently spoken and I try to promote kindness and peace wherever I go. But today? TODAY EVERYBODY CAN GET FUCKED. I mean that with every fibre of my being. I hate this stupid fucking world. I hate my life. I hate how I try my best to loveContinue reading “Raging”
I’m spent, guys. I can’t go on. “Basil” fired me unjustly, “Natalie” impersonated me, the Pest control man I hired today to remove dead rats that were fermenting in our ceiling and causing our house (bedroom especially) to smell so bad I want to throw up all the time STOMPED A HOLE THROUGH OUR CEILINGContinue reading “Suicidal”
Today I had to wait 3 hours in Court to be seen. I was by myself, daunted and afraid and still I pushed through the mounting fear because I wanted to ensure that through a restraining order that “Natalie” couldn’t pretend to be me anymore. One day I will look back on this and findContinue reading “Rising up”
I was in Kmart, selecting size 16 (OH MY GOD WHY AM I SO HUUUUGE!?!) pants for my new job which was going to start after the weekend. I was so excited to be a Data Entry Officer for the Hospital and get paid a fortune for basically filling in boring forms on the computerContinue reading “Brought Low”
He looked like an old Sea Captain with his bright, white beard (trimmed very neatly) and weathered face – like leather. I imagined he’d just stepped off a boat. I was standing at the bar waiting for Alun’s favourite barmaid Sharna to come out and see me. I awkwardly balanced the gift basket I’d madeContinue reading “Addicted”
Tomorrow is my first FIRST. My first Father’s day without my Dad. I can’t find the words to express to you how FUCKING PAINFUL this is. Dad…how can it be? How do I cope tomorrow? When you lose your Dad…breathing becomes very difficult…as if your very lungs are on fire. Your whole body aches terribly.Continue reading “Painful firsts”
I feel like even the air hangs differently without my Dad somewhere on this earth, laughing in his gruff, deep voice and shaking his head because he’s “chuffed” with something. I miss my Dad. Grief doesn’t arrive when I’m alone at home on a weekend where I can just cry. Instead, it gripped me tightContinue reading “The world is different without my Dad in it”
The entire week had been full of sunshine and rainbows. The end of winter was GLORIOUS in that it was bright, not hot (woohoo) and such lovely weather for going out and about in the sunshine and cool breeze. My favourite weather. I agreed to meet my new friend Chris for lunch at his work.Continue reading “Sarah from the bench”
Tithe. Immediately give 10% to God. I’d split that 10% between Prescot Church in the UK and the Metro Church here that I attend on and off. Give half of what’s remaining to Alun NOW the fun part – what I’d do with my share: I’d put some in an account for Mom, to beContinue reading “Things I would do if I won the Lotto:”
Like me, Jesus had a Step Dad who He must have loved a lot. A Dad who taught Him to speak, act, dress…maybe the guy who taught Jesus to be a carpenter. I wonder if Joseph told Jesus stories at bedtime, hugged him when Jesus fell and scraped his knee or cheered Jesus on whenContinue reading “Jesus had a Dad pass away, too”
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