Author: janetdthomas77
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Empty
I feel so empty. I have nothing left inside. For instance, I usually love talking to my friends but I can’t bear the interaction 😢 it’s so weird…but just the thought of asking “how are you?” feels like a burden too heavy right now to bear. I can’t ask because I know I don’t have […]
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Rest is coming
I’m really, really tired, guys. I need to push myself just another week, then I can rest. I’m just unsure if that rest is going to be in Hospital or not. At first I was all for going to hospital…I’m away from chores and things that need doing around the house…but going to hospital means […]
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Black box
A talented artist Stan Walker sings a song I LOVE called “Black Box” where in the chorus he sings “There’s a little black box yeah, somewhere in the ocean…holding all the truth about us…there’s a little black box, a record of emotion…everything there ever was…” (** Black boxes are anti-breakable boxes on planes that record […]
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Still here
Yesterday I called in “sick” to work. I feel bad about it because I wasn’t sick, I was fed up, overwhelmed and burnt out. I don’t know if that would have been acceptable to call in with, so I went with “a migraine” which was accepted without question. Hmm. I also emailed my Psychiatrist’s secretary […]
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My thinking isn’t right
Last Monday Alun texted that his friend “Dan” had died. My heart broke for Alun as this is the FORTH friend he’s lost this year. Alun goes through so much pain over and over…I hate that he’s had so many friends die and that I couldn’t protect him or take his heart break away. Later […]
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Suicidal and surprisingly productive
I want to die, but before I do… I’ll put in a full day of work. I’ll do the laundry. I’ve made our bed. Tears are welling up in my eyes and I’M SO BURNT OUT AND SO VERY, VERY TIRED that I’m going to sit here alone on the sofa and cry. I don’t […]
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Conversations with an Uber Driver
My phone rang with a number I didn’t recognise. This must be the Uber Driver I thought. I swiped across to answer and gave my professional greeting – reserved only for bosses, job applications and numbers I don’t recognise “Hello, this is Janet” “Uhh…where are you? I’m here to pick you up” a slightly Asian […]
"I get knocked down, but I get up again" 