Not what I thought…but better

Photo by Nicholas Espinosa

I just wanted to clear things up about the whole “Matt situation”.

I didn’t want you to think “Oh Lord, this girl is cheating on her husband, poor Alun!” because even though I am indeed fighting a fairly unhealthy addiction to Matt, I would never cheat on Alun. I think over the last 13 years, ‘needing‘ Matt in my life is becoming less of a problem. I don’t contact him as often as I used to – it used to be that I couldn’t go one day without hearing from Matt. Then I met Alun, I fell in love with the right guy for me and messages to Matt become a once-a-month thing and just lately, a once-every-few-months thing.

Alun knows all about my history with Matt. Matt knows I’m happily married to Alun. Matt’s insanely happy with his wife…err let’s go with “Susan”. Everything is above board and there are no secrets.

The thing is, I grew up seeing my parents fight ALL THE TIME. I don’t think they went a day without screaming at each other. They also never went a day without hugging, kissing or proclaiming their undying love for each other so that’s what I thought I wanted.

When Matt and I dated, we were a lot like my parents. We fought about everything but made up quickly, followed by hours of making out. It was a passionate, fiery relationship and although the chemistry was through the roof, we couldn’t seem to agree on a lot. I thought this was what I wanted. I thought “this is what love is – screaming at each other but having each other’s backs and omg the making out is amazinggg“.

I went out with a bunch of ‘Matt-type’ guys after we broke up, desperately trying to fill the ‘Matt-shaped’ space in my heart. It didn’t work because none of the guys I was seeing were Matt. I was looking for an exact replica and that’s not do-able. It took me a long time to figure that one out.

Alun and I met on a ‘dating site’ and went out for drinks. Al was very polite, was quietly spoken, almost shy (hahhahaa I know so much better now!) and was very sweet on our first date. He opened doors for me or held out my chair at the table before I sat. I love that. I love when guys are Gentlemen. Ooft. Hot. But with Alun, I didn’t feel any ‘sparks’ or chemistry, so I told Alun this when he asked me on another date. Al said he was disappointed but that he’d love to be friends. I agreed and we even shook hands on it, bless our hearts.

We spent a year being really good friends. We’d verse each other at bowling, mini golf and laughed our heads off at the zoo, just being silly. I kept going on dates with guys, trying to find “my person” and Alun would politely ask how it was all going. I’d shrug and say I hadn’t found “the one” yet. Alun would encourage me to keep looking and not to give up. I thought that was really sweet. Al was (still is, lol) sooo much fun to be around and I loved having him as a friend.

I honestly thought Alun and I would always be friends and I really felt blessed by that…but one day, everything changed.

As some of you know who follow this blog regularly (bless you, you little sunbeams), WORDS ARE MY JAM. I love to be written to/about (nicely though) because that’s the way I best give and receive love.

At Alun’s for dinner one night, Al gave me his “travel journals” from his first year in Australia. He’d travelled all over and kept journals with postcards, pictures of people he’d met on the way, songs he’d heard on the radio as he drove and a few personal notes as he was working through his divorce. On Christmas eve, he was on his own. Alun had written to himself – a long journal entry about how much it hurt to be alone on Christmas, how he ached to belong to Australia over Wales and how even though he felt alone, he wasn’t because he had his best buddies over in Wales and had made some amazing connections with “mates” here in Australia. To see Alun ‘cheering himself up’ the way I often do…it did something to me.

Alun had asked me something as I was reading and when I looked up to answer…Alun looked different. He looked HOT. I was surprised because he’d always looked friendly and sweet but now my mouth was suddenly dry. Hmm. We sat at the table to eat and Alun was talking about his job cleaning ovens and the people he was meeting along the way. He passed me the salt shaker and when our hands touched – BAM. That was it. I was in love. I was so surprised by it! Where had this come from? What did I do with the fluttering in my heart? Why couldn’t I hold my cutlery steady?

Weird.

3 months later, Alun asked me to marry him and 4 long years of engagement later, we both said “I do” with tears running down our faces in front of our best mates and family.

Best. Day. Ever.

I thought no one could ever replace Matt. I thought I wanted an exact replica of Matt in my life. He was the ‘bad boy’ with tattoos, a motorbike and a wild way about him.

But what God gave me was who I needed. Alun is pretty mouthy, too – but in the right situations and only after someone’s tested his patience enough that he’ll put his foot down and let them know they’ve crossed a line. Alun encourages me on the days when I want to give up, he walks quietly beside me through “the valleys” of depression and rejoices loudly with me “on the mountaintops” when I’ve had a win. Alun will call me out on my bad behaviour and not let me get away with it, but he’ll also give up a lot to make me happy, even when it costs him in every sense of the word.

Matt was the dirty old, mud-covered (sexy though) Ute I thought I wanted. I asked and asked. I tried and tried over 3 decades to be the owner of that rusted old bucket with four big, thick wheels…but God in His wisdom gave me a badass Maserati instead. Sleek. Super cool – and just right for me πŸ™‚

So to sum up after this long essay – I’m in love with Alun and happily married. I’m working on letting go of Matt and day by day, I’m getting closer to doing just that.

10 responses to “Not what I thought…but better”

  1. And that is all that matters! I am so happy for you both! You deserve the happiness!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You do too!!! I’m hoping you’re on the mend now xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you!πŸ₯° xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What a great post! A delight to read.
    I had my own bad boy when I lived in Florida. We were together for 4 years. This was in the ’90s. Like you, we argued a lot and had great make-up sessions.
    I’m so glad you met Alun. I believe finding the right person doesn’t happen very often.
    After we broke up, I never did find anyone else. Not because I was looking for someone to replace him, but more so because I was getting older and many of the symptoms from the trauma of the abuse were getting worse, making it difficult to live with myself, let alone another person.
    I decided it was smarter not to get involved with anyone else. It turned out to be the best decision I have ever made.
    I know life will continue getting better for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love that you found what was right for you, Kelly. So glad I wasn’t the only one attracted to “bad boys” Haha. Their allure is hard to fight sometimes and you can’t beat great chemistry. I’m hoping every day you will understand yourself more ans that every day, you’re healing from the many traumas you’ve been through xx

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  4. It sounds like you’ve found someone who’s just the right mix of sweet and naughty. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, Sara πŸ˜‰ my husband keeps me guessing! Lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s so awesome! πŸ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey there, I am so glad that you are happy and that the two of you have such a transparent relationship. As you know, my love for Dawn started with an accidental hand brush too. That is such a special moment of realization. And, while I am all in for a muddy, loud, off road vehicle, you can not go wrong with a bad ass Maserati. Although, they do make and SUV too. Just take him out and get him off road and you have both dirty and bad ass. HAHA Great story and timeline once again. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How blessed you and I both are to have found the loves of our lives based on the brush of a hand. A simple act – but a huge, lasting effect on those involved. How deeply you love Dawn continues to bless my heart, Tommy. I love how much you two are in love. I hope it’s always this way for you both. Hahahaha yes – going off road can lead to awesome adventures πŸ™‚ I thought I wanted an old rust bucket and God gave me a “boogie” (your word, I love it) car instead that is so much more in terms of quality and experience, I think. God knows my heart and gave me the right man and I thank God for Alun every single day. My crazy Welshman who keeps me on my toes and is my best friend xx

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