I definitely think I need to see a Doctor, my emotions are swirling constantly and I’m a ball of RAGE just lately – every day, small things are making me want to hurl desk items at the wall.
I think when I’ve taken certain anti-depressants over a long period of time, my body starts to get used to them and they don’t have the effects they used to. That, coupled with taking on a brand-new addiction of coca-cola (ARGGHHHH!!!!) which is full of sugar and CAFFIENE which I’m not used to – is making me an unstable person to be around.
The woman I work with – she’s in her 60’s – drives me absolutely MENTAL, for instance. Let’s call her “Kara”. The other day, she’d made cupcakes and wanted me to have one.
Okay. Thanks for that.
“I want to see you eat it and see your reaction” Kara said, HOLDING THE CUPCAKE UP TO MY LIPS while I was at my desk processing an invoice.
“No thank you, not just now, Kara” I dodged the cupcake but my anger was definitely building at her pushiness; (Can’t you see I’m literally working right now?!!!) “Would it be okay to just leave it on my desk and I’ll have a little nibble later? I have a lot of invoices this morning”
“Just try a bite” and as she ignored my polite request, Kara started to unwrap the paper around the cupcake. Now she was touching my food. I don’t know about you, but I DON’T LIKE THAT. I think it’s really intrusive and it crosses a lot of personal boundaries for me. Social, as well.
Kara held the now unwrapped chocolate cupcake out to me – only a inch away from my mouth “Try it”.
I WAS SO MAD.
“Kara” I tried again, this time taking deep, even breaths because I could feel my arms shaking and my hands were balling into fists “I can’t just now – please could you let me get on with my work, I’d really appreciate it”
KARA IGNORED ME.
SHE FORCED THE CUPCAKE INTO MY MOUTH.
I almost choked, it was so unexpected!
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING, KARA?!?
But the polite me – the people pleaser – ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN.
“Oh…um…that’s lovely” I said, hastily wiping crumbs off and trying to tidy my desk surface so I didn’t get chocolate all over the important documents I was working on.
“Go on, have another bite” Kara PUT HER HANDS ON MY FOOD AGAIN and lifted her brown abomination up to my mouth.
I’M GOING TO FUCKING FLOOR YOU IN A MINUTE, KARA.
I pushed it away. Gently.
Take deep breaths, JD…deeeeeeeep breaths. Be calm. Come on now…calm down.
“Kara – I have so much to do” (SO DO YOU, YOU FUCKING MUPPET! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!? WHY???) “Can you please let me carry on with these invoices? I’m sure the cupcake is lovely – please give me some space”
Kara had the gall to look offended “But I made these myself”
I DON’T FUCKING CARE IF BEYONCE MADE THEM. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I FUCKING END YOU.
“I can appreciate that, but please. Please respect my boundaries and please give me some space – I have a lot to do”
Kara flashed me an angry look.
THEN COME AT ME, BRUH. You might even live to regret it.
But she did back away in the end.
And I sat at my desk FUMING because I felt like ‘the bad guy’.
I can’t go on like this, guys. I’m going to end up in jail.
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