I think that’s who I am. I’m essentially one girl but have 2 very different sides of myself.
One half of me is very sweet. Girly. Delicate. This half speaks softly and minds her manners. This half will write you an encouraging note when you’re having a bad day, hold your hand if you’re going through something painful, remember your birthday every year and have flowers delivered to you and is a gentle, caring, compassionate person. This half is the ‘people pleasing’ half of me that will say ‘yes’ to any request and go over and above to meet it. This half loves Jesus, attends Church on Sunday mornings, spends her free time singing to the garden as she weeds/waters/fertilises it, and loves reading and scrapbooking. This half really values quiet “alone time” and longs for it after a long day of work.
The other half of me will not hesitate to burn your house down if you give her ‘tone’ or sarcasm or straight up want to be nasty. This half is loud, brash, loves inappropriate humour, songs and shows. This half is DOWN for a good party and will stay up all night singing and causing a ruckus. This half is also part “Momma Bear”. Because Al and I chose not to have children, my friends are ‘my kids’ and I will protect them with everything I’ve got. The other day, for instance – my friend Sam and I went to lunch. The waitress brought her someone else’s order. Sam looked crestfallen at her chicken burger. To be fair, it looked pretty tasty, but she’d ordered a double cheeseburger at a new burger joint that she’d been looking forward to trying all week.
“Take it to the counter and tell them it’s not yours, my love” I encouraged, squeezing Sam’s arm gently across the table.
Sam had her head down and wouldn’t meet my eye “No, no” she responded “It’s okay…my fault for maybe ordering it wrong” She eyed the wrong burger sadly “I like chicken, Janet – this is fine”
NO. IT WAS NOT FINE AT ALL.
So my feisty half picked up her tray, took it to the counter and had it changed for what Samantha actually wanted.
“Thanks Janet” she beamed at me when the waitress laid a scrumptious double cheeseburger down in front of her moments later.
Anytime, girl. I’ve got you.
If the same had happened to ME, however – I would have accepted my fate just as Sam had tried to. But if ANYONE comes up against someone I love – oh boy. Watch out. I will come at you like a spider monkey to protect and stand up for the person I love.
Because I have two halves of myself, what comes out of my mouth at any given moment is a complete surprise to me. I can say appalling things or really moving things depending on which half decides to take charge.
It’s weird. My psych says it’s my response to being neglected as a child and experiencing a lot of trauma. I can see that.
I’m hoping this year to be more of a whole person – one with all the best bits from both sides of myself.
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