Bloganuary – What’s something that you’ve learnt?


As in – just recently or in general?

I’ll go with just recently otherwise I’ll be here all day, and no one wants that, eh?

Something I’ve recently learnt is to say “No“.

Photo by Vie Studio

I’m not at the point where I say it with any confidence…but to say it at all is a big deal for me, and something I’m secretly pretty proud of. When I say “no”, I follow it up with an overly-long, guilt-ridden explanation eg “I’m really sorry, but I can’t meet you for dinner tonight. I’m just so tired and unwell lately. I can’t seem to do anything other than just work and go home – to bed. I’m so very, very sorry”…which is another thing I’ll have to work on, but babysteps for now, eh? At least I’m moving in the right direction.

I’m a people pleaser, so my automatic answer – to anything and everything – is “Yes“. Sometimes an eyeroll as I say “yeah”. Sometimes a big sigh to gather up courage as I say “I’m on it“. But my reply has always been an affirmation. An agreement.

Saying “no” is very strange for me and I brace for impact once the foreign word has left my mouth.

Impact has come from a handful of “Friends” who only liked me for what I could do for them. Once “no” was said, I got a lot of “push back” (very angry people who were incredibly annoyed at my saying ‘no’), and even lost a few ‘friends’ over it.

But 90% of my mates comment with surprise or express admiration “Go, you good thing – well done for saying no! I know that was hard for you and I’m so proud of you!” and accept it without any further comment.

That’s really blessed me. Knowing I am safe to say ‘no’ is a gamechanger. I’m not going to die. I’m not going to spontaneously combust. I’m going to lose a handful of people who were happy to keep using me and even though the loss and their “comments” hurt…in the long run, it’s been a lot better.

Now to learn to say no to MYSELF; especially when junk food is on offer.

Wish me luck 😉

9 responses to “Bloganuary – What’s something that you’ve learnt?”

  1. Great post – great progress! My mom and me as I followed in her steps found “no” impossible to say and it took many years to realize that, just like money, I was a currency that some would use and misuse as long as I did not say “no.” But, as I realized that I was not a one dollar bill but a priceless vessel of life, I saw that “no” sorted out the crowd around me and I decided I would choose to claim as friends those who only exchanged friendship with me, letting the “takers” walk away–sometimes hard, but always a step forward to a better me. Thank you for sharing – and best of luck in all that is ahead for you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Jeanne, you sound absolutely amazing. Thank you for reaching out with understanding and kindness to my post. You’re so right, if a friendship is only based on what you can provide…then it’s a transaction and not a friendship. I hope you’re surrounded by people who love you and lift you up. Hope you’re saying “no” more in 2023 xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s great to hear that you’re making progress in saying “no”! It’s a challenging but important step towards taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries.

    And it’s great that most of your friends are supportive. Keep up the good work! 🙌

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much, Ritish! I hope you’re enjoying your year so far. I’ll hop onto your blog and show some support xx


  3. Well done, you, for learning to say no, Janet. That’s such a great achievement. I’d love to be able to do that, but like you were, I’m not assertive or confident enough to say no without adding, “I’m really sorry, but …” (insert all sorts of excuses!) I’ve never learned to say no, and honestly don’t know if I ever will. I’m glad you conquered this issue, though – I’m proud of you. Xx 😊💖😘

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We are both still learning, Ellie. I truly believe that one day, we’ll just say “No”. Gently but firmly and not add any excuse or apology afterwards. We can do this!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Great job Janet! What a big step for sure. Now to be confident and reduce the need to try to justify the reasoning (making up the reasoning). Funny how your friends are not really your friends or mates as you put it. You should be really proud of yourself. Perhaps next month you say no just once without the “reasoning”. Just once in the month and see what the reaction is. Baby steps here. Every time you say no to someone else who is taking up your most valuable resource. You are saying yes to Janet. And that it turn is a win for both you and Alun I’m sure. Way to go!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I see that challenge and I accept it, Tommy! Tomorrow is February and in Feb, I’ll say 1 “no” without coming up with excuses or apologies! Thank you for inspiring me to do better, I appreciate your kindness xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are very welcome. It is so hard to go back on a commitment when you have someone to help you be accountable. You’ve got this. I love that it is already “tomorrow” where you are. For me, today has a few more hours left. HAHA.

        Liked by 1 person

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