As in – just recently or in general?
I’ll go with just recently otherwise I’ll be here all day, and no one wants that, eh?
Something I’ve recently learnt is to say “No“.
I’m not at the point where I say it with any confidence…but to say it at all is a big deal for me, and something I’m secretly pretty proud of. When I say “no”, I follow it up with an overly-long, guilt-ridden explanation eg “I’m really sorry, but I can’t meet you for dinner tonight. I’m just so tired and unwell lately. I can’t seem to do anything other than just work and go home – to bed. I’m so very, very sorry”…which is another thing I’ll have to work on, but babysteps for now, eh? At least I’m moving in the right direction.
I’m a people pleaser, so my automatic answer – to anything and everything – is “Yes“. Sometimes an eyeroll as I say “yeah”. Sometimes a big sigh to gather up courage as I say “I’m on it“. But my reply has always been an affirmation. An agreement.
Saying “no” is very strange for me and I brace for impact once the foreign word has left my mouth.
Impact has come from a handful of “Friends” who only liked me for what I could do for them. Once “no” was said, I got a lot of “push back” (very angry people who were incredibly annoyed at my saying ‘no’), and even lost a few ‘friends’ over it.
But 90% of my mates comment with surprise or express admiration “Go, you good thing – well done for saying no! I know that was hard for you and I’m so proud of you!” and accept it without any further comment.
That’s really blessed me. Knowing I am safe to say ‘no’ is a gamechanger. I’m not going to die. I’m not going to spontaneously combust. I’m going to lose a handful of people who were happy to keep using me and even though the loss and their “comments” hurt…in the long run, it’s been a lot better.
Now to learn to say no to MYSELF; especially when junk food is on offer.
Wish me luck 😉
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