11:33pm

Alun is fast asleep, softly snoring in beside me in bed. It’s so weird that when you get older, it’s the smallest moments and simplest times that mean the most.

I’ve turned it off so Alun gets a good sleep, but my bedside lamp was on earlier just so I could watch Alun sleep. He’s so handsome it melts my heart. Stupid, I know…(or creepy???)…but oh man, I love to watch my husband sleep. I love how Alun’s face is still boyish. I love his thick lashes and eyebrows that move up and down in his sleep, making me think he’s having interesting dreams. I love his deep, even breaths and most of all, I love how safe and still Alun is. Weird, huh?

I mean. Come on. Look how gorgeous he is!!!

We had a good day but filled with “doing things” which I felt we both forced ourselves to do so that we could make this holiday “fun”. Ironic because if we’d both been honest, we probably would have preferred to stay at the cottage and just potter about.

Instead, we went to a “food and wine” store, checked out Ocean Beach (it was so lovely hearing the waves), went to an expensive lunch (how is $80 for a tasting plate ok?!,) and came back to the cottage tired…and mostly full of cheese. Cheese is one of my favourite things to eat – but because I’m lactose intolerant I’m not supposed to eat dairy and end up incredibly uncomfortable for the rest of the afternoon as my body tries to process something it’s unsure about.

Will I stop eating cheese or icecream though?

Nope.

All around me tonight is the cacophony of frogs. I think the lake by the cottage must attract them. There are so many different frog noises, I’m imagining that outside are tiny market stalls and frogs are out buying trinkets or food. The frog customers are happily bantering/arguing with the frog sellers. I wonder what they use as currency?

I should be asleep but I had a 2-hour nap earlier this afternoon. Oops.

I’m also trying to adjust to being out in the world instead of nestled safely in my private hospital room on the Psych ward. I was there a month, I think. Long enough to have formed new habits and comfortable schedules that are obviously not suitable in the real world and would be especially weird while on holiday.

I miss hearing a quiet tap on my door every hour; and seeing a Nurse poke her friendly face in to ask if I’m ok. It gave me so much comfort.

Now I’m responsible for myself.

This is scary and a lot harder than I expected.

I hope tomorrow that Alun gets some rest, I think he needs this holiday a lot more than I do.

Ok. I’d better try to sleep.

Here are some photos from today’s adventures here in Denmark Western Australia.

Night, everyone ๐Ÿ˜ด

Dwarf apple tree
The owners of our cottage also own this huuuuge Nursery. I want to buy one of every tree!
Ocean Beach – my “arty” pic that I’m really proud of. Go me!
Lol. Concerning that they had to put this sign up.
These feathers!!! Stunning ๐Ÿ˜
Lol. Gotta love our Tradies, right?
I love me a good hot chocolate. Yum.
This was $80!!!
We ate a lot of it just to get our money’s worth. Lol.

5 responses to “11:33pm”

  1. Sorry for the late comment, Janet. I’ve read your post several times today, but I’ve had a lot on my mind and have only just gathered myself enough to comment. Alun looks so peaceful asleep. It must be so comforting having someone you love by your side all night. Your photos are lovely, too. I love your arty shot – it looks very professional. The food looks amazing – no wonder you wanted to eat lots of it. You got to get your value’s worth at that price. The part of your post that touched me the most is that you said you weren’t long home from psych. hospital. I’ve been there, too, more times than I’d like to count. I remember how overwhelming the whole world seemed when I came out. All my senses were magnified, having been on a ward for six months, as you can imagine. I got quite institutionalised during my stay. Mostly, I wish you well as you recover further and journey into life ahead of you. Do take care of yourself, and I’m glad you have Alun to help you on that journey. Much love to you, Janet Xx ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’—

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    1. Hello darling Ellie, thank you sooo much for commenting on my latest blog. Thank you for sharing your warmth and kindness with me. It’s definitely a challenge being out in the world when I’ve been so cosy and looked after on the ward. I was only there a month so I can’t imagine how much harder it would be for you being on a ward for 6 months ๐Ÿ’” my heart aches for you as you must have been in a dark, hard, painful place for so long. Are you feeling any better now? I hope so xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are more than welcome, Janet. I hope you continue to settle back at home. I’m sure, with Alun’s support, you will get there. Being in hospital for six months was pretty gruelling, especially as it was an NHS facility and not private so a lower standard of care (although, I’m sure, they wouldn’t agree with my statement). It was awful, I have to say. I was in a very dark and painful place, yes.

        Currently, I’m going through a lot of trauma and working with a good counsllor. However, that therapeutic relationship could be over by this afternoon because of complicated circumstances. My session is this afternoon and I will find out what the outcome of my dilemma will be. I’m really anxious about it (I wrote a post about my situation yesterday if you’d like to know more). I’m scared stiff right now. Xxxxx ๐Ÿ–ค

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I will check out your post about the appointment this afternoon. I’m praying for you and hoping the Therapist will keep seeing you. It’s so hard to start over with someone new ๐Ÿ˜ช

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thank you, Janet. I appreciate your support. If I have to start over again with a new therapist, assuming I can find one I can afford, it will be incredibly hard. I will try and update my blog later. Thanks so much again for caring so much and being there for me. Xx ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’•

        Liked by 1 person

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