Fat & Disgusting

I’ve never been as overweight as I am right now.

The largest I’ve ever been in the past was a size 14. At that size for my 5’2 frame…it was disgraceful. I start to worry about my weight at that size and have always been able to pull it back to a healthier size 12 or even a 10. My ideal is a size 8 and I’ve been that size through my teens, twenties and early 30’s. It’s the right size for me because it’s when I’ve felt the most confident and comfortable in my body.

Now? Now I can’t even fit into size 16 denim shorts for this summer!!!

JD, you really disgust me.

My weight is really out of control.

Will I do anything to fix this? Like eat healthy and exercise?



I’m sooo mad at myself!

I’m obsessed with processed, fatty, fried, sugary food and I honestly think I’m addicted.

This. Is. Scary.

I need help.

10 responses to “Fat & Disgusting”

  1. Can you slowly pull good food into your diet? Once you get some good food in there you might be able to pull back on some of the not doing good for you stuff. And sometimes I find just being more active helps. Not necessarily exercising but just getting up and doing things like for me working in the gardens or cleaning house.
    Or we can just hug you and love you until it all melts away!😘

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are medicine for my broken heart 💔 thank you so much. I think your idea to work some nutrition into what I eat and to try to add more movement into my usually very sedentary day. Sending you squishy hugs 🫂 xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I find it is easier to add a little bit of good here and there instead of just trying to take everything I’m not supposed to eat all at once. I am less crabby, lol. Good luck with everything! Glad I could help😘xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello, Janet. I came across your blog because you liked my comment on Andrew’s post (The Sage Page). I love what he writes – he brightens my day. I’ve read a couple of your posts and enjoyed them. This one, I can so identify with. I’m 5’2′ (and an important half!) and about a size 14 now in UK measurements. I should be a 10. My eating habits could be better at the moment and, like you, I need to start adding some healthier foods into my diet. I get cross with myself, too, for being a dreadful ‘picker’. I’m fine all day; it’s the evening picking that gets out of hand. I can also identify with you regarding my mental health, which isn’t at its best right now. Still, I’m not giving up, although I know my writing is pretty dark at the moment. It never used to be, and I know I will pick up again, hopefully sometime soon. I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts … Ellie x 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hiiiiiii fellow shortie *big hug* 🫂 it’s hard being a petite sized girl because I think the extra weight shows up so much more on us. Well…that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. Lol. Hopefully we can both form new habits and feel all the better for it. Thank you sooo much for reading my blog. I’ve read a few of yours, was impressed and hit “follow”. I’ll comment on a few today as I sooo relate to your struggle with mental health. Omg. Hope you have a restful day and do kind things to yourself xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hello again, Janet. It is hard being a petite girl, as you say. Any extra weight we gain shows up more obviously than it would on someone taller or broader. I definitely need to make some new habits around eating. I’m too much of a picker in the late evenings and before I go to bed.

        I’m glad I’m following your blog as we do seem to have quite a lot in common, especially with mental health issues. I’m just going over to read the post that you wrote this morning, as this is something I’m really interested in. So glad to have met you. Hope you have a good day, too. Xx 💛

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey there, a little different perspective here. I have worked as personal trainer with men and women and while this is a universal issue, it is especially difficult for my female clients, in my experience. As I approach 60, I am recognizing that I do not like to exercise for intensity, I like to eat, but I am uncomfortable with the added body fat that I have. For the same reasons as you stated, I like the way I look, feel, etc. I have run marathons, long course triathlons for a number of years. The amount of dedication to my fitness and my nutrition were off the hook obsessive. I have seen people successfully complete triathlons and marathons and to look at them, you would never know. I have been taking time off from intense training and nutrition and asking myself this, do I feel bad because I feel bad or because society puts this idea in my head? For me, to move forward and sustain a healthy balance, I will want it for myself. There has been some good advice above to be considered. In addition, I would encourage you to ask yourself and search for the answer to what do I want and where can I except who I am. Are you, as you put it “fat and disgusting” because someone or society has told you or is it because you truly feel this way. And to that, do you give a shit about what others are saying. Of course you do, I do, but is that healthy. Perhaps a little, but in order to have long term success and happiness, we will want to do this for us. That is why this is a mental health and physical health issue at the same time. The answer for me will be somewhere between my ideal self which would be more intense and a healthy, grateful self that permits me to run, exercise, and play with my grandchildren as they grow without all the sacrifices, like not eating bacon or cheese. HAHA. Be kind to yourself first, find out why you want to make the lifestyle change, and then as others have suggested, slowly add or remove items. Perhaps a size 10, while ideal, is not any fun and you will make an adjustment that is kinder and less intense to you. That is what I would want for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Tommy for your wisdom and shared experience. You gave me a lot of food for thought (lol food) and you’re right…when I think about why I feel so disgusting, it’s because I’m comparing myself to other girls the same height who are much skinnier and feeling really insecure. I do know I’m physically uncomfortable at my current weight, though. I’m aware that my joints are very unhappy with lugging around this extra 30kgs (!!) and it’s not good for my heart. I also snore now which I don’t do at a lighter weight so for I know I really do need to lose weight. I will implement little changes, hopefully form new habits and lose the weight slowly over time (arghhh why can’t it be faster?) which will hopefully be more sustainable.

      I’m so proud of you for doing marathons!!! That’s amazing!!! I hope you get some cheese, bacon 🥓 and time with your grand kids today 😉 big hug 🫂 xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I empathize with how you feel, I once struggled with my weight and was at one point a weight so massive I won’t even disclose the number nor the size well over 20.
    Sugar is more addictive than cocaine (according to research) and if you give in to a sugary treat once, you want another the next time and have to have it.
    As I saw one person suggest, try pulling in healthier foods. I might suggest trying to find a satisfying replacement for a sugary treat that is close to satisfying, which I know is hard. Honestly, healthy sweet treats don’t taste as good…but if you can kick the habit, it’ll be easier over time to indulge in the healthy option to satisfy your sweet tooth instead of the unhealthy option. Like sugar free whip cream with strawberries? I dunno, depends if you’re a chocoholic lol! If you are, swap out dark chocolate for milk chocolate, since it’s the healthier option. Tiny changes can add up.
    Most importantly though, don’t beat yourself up about your weight. You’re not disgusting and you shouldn’t refer to yourself that way. That kinda talk makes me want to eat my emotions when I put myself down, and I think alot of folks who struggle with weight have a similar problem.
    If you make bad food choices or gain a pound or two, tell yourself that next time you’ll make a better choice and tomorrow is a new day to try again. Don’t give up on yourself, you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg thank you so much for reaching out with so much kindness and some great tips for healthy changes. I appreciate you taking time to help a fellow emotional eater. No matter what the occasion, I turn to food. Happy? Celebrate with KFC. Sad? Order a pizza and pint of icecream. It never ends. I was shocked to see how addictive sugar is, though. Oh my word! I wonder if I should swap emotional eating for cocaine instead? Lol. Just joking. I don’t do drugs 😀 xx

      Liked by 1 person

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