"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

Okay. So…I’ve just finished watching what I think is probably THE BEST SERIES I’VE EVER SEEN.

“Inside Man” is 4 gripping, gritty, emotional rollercoaster episodes that had me on the edge of my seat for the entire journey – often covering my mouth in shock or yelling “WHAT?!?” at the screen, not believing what I just saw.

Absolutely INCREDIBLE. I highly recommend it. It’s too bad I can’t rewatch it all with the same awe.

What got to me and keeps playing in my mind is the very first episode.

I’m hoping that in “talking” about it on my blog, I don’t ruin it for you (soz) but it had me SHOOK because I related so hard to the tension rising and the stakes getting higher and higher within a fraction of a second.

I could see the main character panicking and David Tenant acted his chops off because my heart held its breath when he “loses it” the way my 21-year-old self did all those years ago.

It starts with panic. You do something you shouldn’t do – in “Inside man“, the main character was caught up in keeping a parishoner’s secret and protecting his son. As a viewer, you think to yourself “This can be easily fixed…just tell your son’s math tutor who’s thumb drive it really is, she’ll calm down and you can both go on about your day – albeit with lots of counselling for old mate who saved some appalling, evil porn on that USB stick and started this all off”…but I could relate to the panic and how the main guy quickly lost his grip on morality.

All of a sudden, the Dad is focused 100% on not letting his son’s math teacher leave. When he grabs her wrist, I could feel my heart racing. Oh no – what are you doing? I could see the fear in the Tutor’s eyes and her panic, thinking: “This is really getting out of hand. I need to leave. NOW“. I could see the cogs turning in both their heads, the Dad thinking “I have to control this situation and will do whatever it takes to make sure this tutor doesn’t get to the Police” and the Tutor thinking “I don’t think there’s anything I can say to ever convince this guy to let me go. My life is now in danger“.

When the tutor tries to scream and the Dad covers her mouth, you can tell as a viewer it’s only going to get worse from that moment.

It was interesting to see that a CHURCH VICAR can quickly slide into being a murderer given the right circumstances on the right day with the right person.

The Vicar risked it ALL in an effort to save his family; his son in particular.

It made me wonder how far I would go to protect those I love.

Would I kill someone to protect and keep Alun save?

Logically no, of course not.

But in the heat of the moment, under immense stress and pressure (especially with my history of incredibly bad decisions based on high emotions and crumbling mental health)…well, I don’t know. I really don’t.

I think that’s the heart of this series – the message struck me as “we are all capable of murder, given the circumstances”. No one is immune from hurting someone else if they are compelled to save someone they love.

I look back on the series now with sooo many questions:

Would things have been different if the Vicar gave up his promise to protect a broken, vulnerable man from his Church right at the beginning?

Would the math tutor have been let go if the Vicar was able to successfully record the confession he desperately tried to get from the man who owned the usb stick? Would she have believed it – or still gone to the Police because a line had been crossed that couldn’t be ‘uncrossed’?

Where would I draw that line when it comes to keeping those I love safe?

I’m really hoping I would act with integrity in any case where someone’s life is on the line. I’m praying that Jesus would shine through and that given the power to take a life, I would refuse and try instead to help them.

Life is incredibly complicated, layered, vast and complex – whether you’re the one behind the gun – or in front of it.