Older and wiser…I think

16-year-old me getting on a bus:

Omg this is so embarrassing

Is everyone looking at me, thinking “She’s fat. Ugly. Weird”?

Oh no. There aren’t any free seats. Please kill me now. I can’t believe I have to sit next to a stranger.

Oh. My. God. This is so awkward. I have to pick a seat and I don’t know where to go.

Great. Now everyone is watching me be indecisive. I hate this. Sooo awkward.

Ok. This lady looks vaguely normal. I’ll sit with her *awkwardly sit on the very edge of the bus seat, trying my best to leave as much physical space between us as humanly possible*.

Great. Half my butt is hanging off this seat. I wish I could just move over but I need to make sure this lady doesn’t feel squashed by my *huge body. I’m sooo uncomfortable.

Oh no. What if someone I know gets on this bus and sees me? What do I do? Do I smile? Wave? Greet them first or wait and just return their greeting?

Omg that girl’s hair is so shiny and sleek. I love it. I wish my hair was like that. I hate my curls. So unfair.

That girl’s wrists are so delicate. Mine are as thick as tree trunks. Why, God?!? Why did you curse me so???

Omg my stop is coming upppp. I have to press the bell. Omg. I have to get up and get off the bus with everyone looking at me. I hope I don‘t fall overrr. Can you imagine? The horror!

I hope my school skirt isn’t riding up my bum. That would be mortifying.

45-year-old me getting on a bus:

I’m tired and I ache everywhere. I’ll sit here.

* I was a lovely, natural, normal size 10 when I was younger, I just felt huge compared to my stick-thin, underweight friends/peers

Oh the wisdom of age, huh?

2 responses to “Older and wiser…I think”

  1. Oh wow what an interesting post. Really made an impact. I viewed myself very negatively too in the past. Although I’m not much better now. Slightly I think.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Time heals and opens up our thinking…in a way, I guess? I think the absolute world of you, Shanti. I pray that as time goes by, you’ll consider yourself just as wonderful 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

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