"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

ARGGGHHHHH!!!

I’m re-writing my Memoir and trying to make each chapter sound better.

It feels weird and wrong re-writing my Memoir – trying to make my pain and suffering more “catchy” to readers, yet that’s what is needed to make a best seller.

Sacrifice.

Cost – emotional and financial.

As I’m re-writing chapters, I’m appalled that both Austin Macauley and Olympia publishers were both willing to publish my book exactly as it was when I sent it…even though I thought it was ready at the time…now that I’m re-writing it…I can see so many errors and so many ways it needed ‘tightening up’ and changing. Obviously Austin Macaulay and Olympia realy don’t care what they publish, they just want money from desperate Authors.

That’s a heartbreaking thing to know.

If I’d gone along that path and not done the research or had I researched and thought “I’ll go with that anyway” (self publishing is going to cost just as much if not more, at least this way, a Publishing house that knows the process is in charge of formatting, printing, creating the cover and giving my book it’s on ISBN number for sales)…then at the end of this year, 25 copies of my book would have arrived to me in a box and it wouldn’t have been right.

I can’t have that.

My worry is that I’m not writing with a clear head anymore.

I know I’m a good writer – maybe even a great one – but none of the chapters in my Memoir reflect that.

It’s so frustrating!!!

I’m so desperate to explain the trauma I’ve gone through so that the reader can understand me and hopefully someone who identifies with it can feel less alone…but how do I do that in an engaging way?

I just don’t know.