"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

Food is my obsession

I think about it all the time

Like a gun barrel held to my temple

I am hostage to it’s demands

But if I eat it

I’ll be ugly

Cast out

Unwanted

Fat

The worst word in my world

So I empty it into a bin

Crying as it slips into the folds of rubbish

Because I’m so fucking hungry

But sometimes I win

Sometimes I eat

My brain fog clears just a little

I start to think – just for that second

That maybe it doesn’t have to be this way

So for every battle won…every bite a victory…

I write it down

I record every morsel

I rejoice on unseen mountain tops

Little wins

Little steps

With my big heart

I will keep moving forward

I’ll keep failing, I know that

But I’ll keep trying again, too

And every time I win

I’ll write it on a scroll

A little scroll…a dinner roll

A baby step forward

A victory

A melody of determination

Step…by…step

Until one day I will defeat what holds me down

I’ll rise above this

I won’t let you win, food

You will be my bitch

Just you wait.

Written with all my love for my favourite rower in the world, K xx