There’s no substitute for compassion

The latest thing out there right now is all about “manifesting” goodness, wealth, health, happiness etc into your own life. “If you believe it…you will achieve it

Sorry, (not really) but that’s utter bullsh*t.

Believing and – for the love of God – manifesting *shudder* good things can only get you so far. I think it’s actually hard work, learning and growth, talent/skill, prayer, guidance and determination over a lengthy period of time that actually results in the good things in life, but apparently it’s not. It’s manifesting. “So easy”. Pfft.

In terms of suffering…having someone in a porche lean out of their window and telling you – homeless and on the pavement – to manifest wealth is like taking a literal poo on someone already down on their luck. It’s so disgraceful! It makes me sick.

People who are rich, fed, housed, clothed and living their best lives are telling starving, homeless, unemployed, struggling, addicted, broken people to “Just manifest good things so you can be like me”

Err…What?!?

So yeah. Today I’m writing about my intense DISLIKE for all this manifesting bs because my friend…let’s call her “Alex” has been shot down by her more wealthy friend just recently – and I faced a similar experience with my Mom. All in the name of this stupid manifesting fad.

In her life, Alex is going through a time of change and growth. She wants to change her job and strive for something more challenging with better pay, but she’s doubting her ability to succeed, so that’s putting her off trying. Alex doesnt have a great opinion of herself.

(She’s actually really awesome in HR and could get any job she wants. Alex is smart, a problem-solver and able to think quickly on her feet. She’s studied business at Uni so has a lot of knowledge about HR and could shine in a new, higher-paying position).

Anxious, “Alex” sought out the advice of her best friend “Martha” who basically told her to “manifest success” and that once she did, perhaps Martha could get Alex a job in the kitchen of the Prestigious high-paying company she recently got employed in.

Telling your best friend that she might be able to basically be a lowly servant in the kitchen where you eat in your stupid business power suits?

Oh Martha. That’s outright disgusting.

How dare you?!?

To hear Alex’s heart break over that when she rang and told me about it; she was almost in tears (Alex is super strong by the way so rarely cries) made me SO ANGRY on her behalf. I wanted to find Martha and smash her face in with a chair for being so condescending to someone I love.

There’s always going to be a new fad out there. A new diet. A new skincare routine. A new superfood. A new “get rich quick” scheme…but when a friend – or in my case, a family member – comes to you from a place of brokenness and vulnerability…JUST BE KIND to them, alright? Have compassion for the person who’s asking your advice and be as loving, gentle and caring as you can be. Meet them where they are at and take time to really see and understand them. If that means stepping off your 100 foot Yacht to sit on the pier with a friend, sharing paper bags of fish and chips while they tell you their dreams and plans…do it. Do it with love, grace and humility.

Don’t interupt them to tell them how amazing YOU are. “Come take a look at my new Mansion/car/extra property/yacht – she’s a beauty” NO. Shh. Shut your mouth.

Be there for them in that moment. Be kind to them.

Because when someone is hurting, there’s no substitute for compassion. There is nothing better for a broken heart 💔 than to be seen, heard, validated and cared about.

I’m very ill. I’m still suffering seratonin syndrome/withdrawals. It is HELL.

Even so, I’m pushing myself to work hard because knowing my Mom and 14 other relatives depend on me for their livelihood weighs really, really heavily on me. So, well before I should have, I went back to work so I could keep supporting my Mom.

Mom asked how it was going, and hoping for support and maybe even a bit of praise and recognition for how fucking hard I’m working, I admitted struggling with nausea, muscle cramps, vertigo and finding myself absolutely exhausted at the end of each day rather than just “a little tired, but generally ok” as I usually am.

I really wanted my Mom to encourage me to take more time off work. I’m a people-pleaser and operating on “surviving parent guilt” so to have my Mom sort of give me permission to rest and to continue to heal before going back to work…well, it would have meant everything to me.

However.

Instead of comforting me, Mom floored me by spouting some absolute bullsh*t she’d obviously heard from YouTube about “manifesting strength” and “keeping my eyes on the prize” (what?!?), asking “Have you tried taking 10 quick breaths in and out?” (Huh?) “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror and said I control my destiny to yourself?” (Excuse me, what?) thrown in with random, disconnected references to David in the Bible and how he suffered but trusted in God.

Really, Mom? That’s what you’ve got for me?

A mish-mash of disjointed, unrelatable “inspirational” platitudes?

To be fair (and I’m adding this new part 24 hours later after a sleep that I desperately needed), Mom was trying her best. She’s trying to give me ‘encouragement’ in the way she thinks is most appropriate. It was just heartbreaking to hear Mom parrot away a stupid ‘motivational speech’ when I really just wanted her to comfort me.

I work 8 hours to support you, Mom. Every inch of my fucking body aches painfully and instead of saying…oh, I don’t know…something like: “I’m so proud of you” “You’re facing something really tough but look at you go” “I’m grateful for how hard you work”…or…what I really wanted: “Oh no sweetheart…why don’t you take a little more time off work and only go back once the withdrawals have ceased?” you’re going to tell me to engage in breathing techniques and positive mantras?!?

Arghhhhhhh!!!

Mom!!!

You are killing me. Literally. You are killing me here and now.

My whole body is literally screaming out in pain from me pushing it to the limit at work today and that’s your response?!?

That’s it???

So fucking angry

So hurt!

So…if you’re someone who likes telling people to manifest their bright, amazing future…you can go fuck yourself.

4 responses to “There’s no substitute for compassion”

  1. My sister always tells me to manifest stuff and I’m just like “Man…that’s some bullshit.” You are not alone in this thought. When nothing but stupid things keep happening to you and to this world, you really don’t feel like all that love and light mess. I manifested that I got the perfect part time job in my old field of medical billing and coding. Didn’t get it. Instead, at my current job (that didn’t give us a cost of living increase even WITH inflation and basically told us to take advantage of their mental health people) I got a new supervisor. This is my FIFTH ONE in 2022. You know how much stress that puts on a person? And then I have to train which takes away from the overtime I could have had to pay rent and send my child to a camp for kids with special needs. Sorry for the rant. I need to write about it on my own page but PLEASE BELIEVE YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Works my nerves! I’m just an angry person. I’m sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so angry on your behalf that your job is basically taking advantage of you and other vulnerable people, what a disgraceful company. In all fairness they should make YOU the Supervisor or PAY YOU for the training you’ve taken on. I’m sorry you weren’t able to send your kid to camp, that would have been so fun for her and a great rest for you.

      You have every right to rant and to be angry, I will always make time to listen to you. I’m here for you and believe in you. You go through A LOT and you have a lot of resilience, strength and courage. I’m inspired every time I read your blog ✨️

      Like

  2. This is so raw I am not sure where to start. I am not religious, I consider myself to spiritual. I have worked for many decades, believing that I was supposed to pray and it would happen if I deserved it. I have come to consider that perhaps I have what I need, but my brain is wired differently and it is challenging to overcome the self-doubt, anxiety, and fear of failure. Or worse, being made fun of. It is so frustrating, to your point, when people just say “get over it”, “move on” , or ” all you have to do is….” UGH. That does not work for so many. Keep up the good fight and find the motivation that works for you. Just know that you are not alone here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think you’re on the right track, Tommy. You are living your life the best way you know how so that’s the most important thing, right? I hear you when you talk about self doubt, fears and insecurity…these things can really hold us back, it’s true. You sound like a gentle soul and a genuinely nice person 💕

      Liked by 1 person

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