Depression is an insidious bastard.
I’m caught up in it’s awful, sticky grip right now and it makes very simple things suddenly very difficult.
Showering means I have to take off my clothes. All of them. Already I am overwhelmed at the thought of undressing. It already feels like too much to have to do.
Then. Oh then I still have to get into the shower and adjust the water. So much work.
I have to clean my body and wash my hair. Wash my face. UGHHHHH. It’s too much. TOO MUCH!!!
Then turn the tap off, squeeze excess water from my hair (OMG this is too much), get out and dry myself. Just the thought of having to do this is wearing me out.
Then put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket. This is all too hard!
Then put new clothes on.
I can’t. I can’t bear it.
I have the sage advice from my friend Kristy in my head today of “do what you can”. I think she advised a long time ago that if I couldn’t bear to wash myself, then try to at least wipe over my skin with cleansing wipes…so I did that.
I put new pjs on and put the used ones in the laundry basket.
That wore me out and I needed to sit down for hours afterwards, shaking from the effort.
It took me almost 11 hours…but I made the bed and put a load of washing on.
That is enough. It has to be.
I did my best and if today that’s all I could do…it’s better than doing nothing at all.
If you’re in a similar position – then just do your best to keep yourself clean and safe. If you can’t do the dishes, then leave them. If you can, try to clean ONE dish. Call that a win. If you can’t make the bed, then maybe just straighten the blanket on the top and call it a day? If you can’t tidy a room, then maybe try to put ONE thing away and leave it at that.
Do what you can when you can and if all you can do is stay in bed and sleep so that you don’t have to face the noisy world…then do that.