I saw your wedding pictures on Jess’s facebook page and they were stunning. What a beautiful wedding ceremony you had. Your new wife looks like a definite upgrade from me, Jon. I’m fat, dark-skinned and have horrible sticky-out afro hair. She is slim, tall and has blue eyes and blonde hair. She looks like a princess.
(just quietly, she looks like your tall, slim, blonde, blue-eyed sisters, Jonathan…is there something you need to seek therapy about?)
I remember about a year ago I saw on your Facebook (your FB is set to “public” so even if you’re reading this blog, you can look at Jon’s profile and see much of his life proudly displayed) and you’d posted something – a picture of you and your beautiful girlfriend. She’d written under your post “love you” and you’d responded “love you too” and I thought – genuinely – “Well good for you, Jon. GOOD FOR YOU“.
Your wedding honestly looks like a beautiful event. You looked so happy and your wife so pleased. Your guests all looked so happy for you both and Jess posted that she’d had “so much fun” she was only able to take a few pictures. So it must have been a wonderful day for you and I love that for you, I honestly do.
Immediately though (I’m being raw and honest with you here), I was comparing.
Did your wedding cost more? Were your invites prettier? Did they cost more, too? What food did you eat? Where was your venue? (it was hard to tell from the pics).
I of course zoomed in on your new wife’s dress – was it prettier than mine? (Thankfully no. hahahaha)
Did you propose in a more romantic way?
What was her ring like? *another zoom in* Did it cost more? Was it awesome? and no, I honestly wasn’t that impressed with it. 3 diamonds in a happy row in the middle of a gold band. Pretty. Maybe symbolic? I liked it, but I didn’t feel any envy.
Would you both move into the house I CHOSE for us all those years ago? Would she use the new kitchen I PAID FOR and had installed and LOVED the minute it was completed? The round silver sink I chose especially from IKEA and absolutely adored every time I did the dishes?
Were you replacing me or was I not there in your mind at all and this wasn’t a replacement – this new girl was who you saw as your first wife?!?
Did this new wife work a full time office job in the city AND beside you at Church hours after her long day EVERY SINGLE DAY, Jon? Did she? Because I know I did.
You didn’t thank me once, by the way.
You just expected it of me.
On your honeymoon are you going to turn her down for sex too? Or was there just something defective about me the night of our honeymoon? Are you going to continue to push her away for the next 8 years in the bedroom or have you two come to some kind of agreement about that?
I know this sounds spiteful but it’s the truth.
I AM A LITTLE ANGRY about it, to be honest.
I am happy for you – that is also true – I want you to be loved, Jon. You deserve that.
BUT YOU CHOSE TO GET MARRIED ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.
That little fact didn’t escape me, Jonathan.
Really?!? REALLY JONATHAN? REALLY?!?
Of ALL the days in the FUCKING YEAR you could have chosen?
You chose MY birthday.
That’s cold AF, Jon.
I expected better of you, to be honest.
I expected some semblance of RESPECT on your end.
So it’s a bit of a rollercoaster of strong emotions from me, Jon. I’m happy for you because it brings me so much peace to know you’re not going to live your life alone. It makes me happy to know you’re loved, you are someone deserving of that. But I’m pretty fucking PISSED about the date you chose.
That’s NOT COOL, Jonathan.
End of rant.