Whenever I’m happy and feeling fine, comparison settles on me like a heavy blanket – “but you’re so fat” it reminds me “not thin like other girls” “your book contract is a Hybrid deal – not a traditional one – so you’re not a real author” it whispers insistently “not like other REAL writers” “Why are you so freaking lazy?” it asks “When other girls are running and climbing, hiking and running their own multi-million dollar businesses…here you are in bed…and broke AF”
…and on and on it goes.
So I’m going to try my hardest NOT to compare myself or what I’m doing to others.
Maybe that will mean I’ll even get some joy back in my life, huh?
Here’s hoping.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again" 
4 responses to “Comparison is definitely the thief of joy”
It can definitely be rough to compare yourself with those who seem to do way better than you.
As it happens social comparison theory is the topic of my thesis right now, and I am finding out that it doesn’t always have to lead to envy. Sometimes It seems better to compare yourself to people who are similar to you in any sort of way. Their position (e.g. being a “real” author) will seem achievable to you, which as a result, can also be inspirational.
In my study I’m also researching comparisons to yourself, and I expect to find that this will cause even more positive feelings. Whether that is because you compare yourself to a cringy past version making you realize that you’ve grown so much, or a comparison to a better past version that shows that, if you had the skills back then to be better, you certainly have those skills to be better now (even if life gets in the way sometimes).
I’ll have to wait to see if my hypotheses will be confirmed or not. What I have learned though, is that the grading system doesn’t work at all because it teaches you to do better than other people. It doesn’t motivate you to improve yourself, which is not a great type of motivation. Looking at your own personal progress though, and finding it fun to learn, does work.
Regardless, I hope this can help you somehow! At least you now know you’re not alone in this struggle and that the academic field is trying to help us out 😉
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Your study sounds ground breaking and amazing. The idea of turning the focus to our OWN progress rather than comparing to others is so much healthier ✨️ love this! Let me know how you go, I’m excited for you and your research xx
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Happy to hear that 🙂
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