If I trust you

I made a handful of friends in Hospital last December who have become so close to my heart. I care for each of them so deeply. You’ve already heard me go on and on about “Cam”, but there is also “Ron”, “Chris”, “Maggie”, “Betsie” and “EmilyUK” (all names changed to protect them) that I’m close to as well. Each of them is so special in their own ways. I marvel at how loving, compassionate and empathetic they are in spite of the awful hell they’ve each been through. In my eyes, they’re heroes. All of them. I love them so much.

Ron is an especially awesome friend and I was immediately attracted to him. Not in a sexual way (although that is a lie – it was definitely a factor – oops), but just that he was so friendly and so much fun. Ron and I vibed off each other so well and made each other laugh to the point of tears running down our faces – I found someone who finds the same things funny and we enjoyed joking about and making each other HOWL laughing.

A good belly laugh with a dear friend is honestly one of the best things ever, truly. Ron and I were SO NAUGHTY in one of our “group therapy” classes that one patient got up, stormed off and REFUSED to come to any classes Ron and I were involved in. I don’t know why, but I’m secretly proud of that.

Ron and I drove “Kyle” nuts. Hahahahaha! Kyle is a very uptight man who has gone through a lot, bless him. He’s highly strung and I think he wanted to go to all the group therapy classes, take them seriously (he was probably every coordinator’s dream) and was NOT up for Ron and I messing around. Hearing that we’d p*ssed Kyle off made Ron and I laugh even more, to be honest. We are both so giddy together. To be fair, Ron and I had been very well behaved all day and it was the last class of the day on a FRIDAY for goodness sakes. We’d had ENOUGH of being ‘good’ and were up for a good belly laugh. Unfortunately, we made class more like “spring break” (Ron’s words) and Kyle wasn’t having any of our bollocks.

We talk a lot on the phone since both leaving hospital and Ron thinks he and I should make a podcast called “f*ck, fist and forget” (ahahahaahha) where we just talk rubbish about sex and our stories and experiences of it. We both laughed our heads off just thinking about having our conversations out there on the internet for ANYONE to listen to. “My wife would KILL me” Ron was crying laughing “I can only get away with talking like that with you, Janet – you are SO FUN to mess around with”. I took that as a compliment. I loved it. Yes, Ron. I am. I think our podcast would be hilarious and that we’d be millionaires from our ‘fans’ in no time. Seriously!

I remember having the same kind of a laugh and joke around with Ryan (his actual name, sorry! I don’t know what else to call him) at an Engineering place I worked at as Receptionist for a year. Ryan would wind me up and because I fancied him and trusted him, he would prank me (he gave me the Perth ZOO number for our Director) I would prank him back (I gift-wrapped his desk and his accessories (stapler, books, pens, telephone) in Christmas paper a week into December) and we would both just laugh and laugh.

Ryan and I used to have desks facing each other but with a grey partition between us – I guess for privacy (whatever) so to get each other’s attention, we would throw paperclips “over the border” and laugh and message each other on SKYPE “What do you want now?” hahahaha. When Ryan went away for work for a month…oh my gosh, I missed him so much. I didn’t count the days, but one day after about 4 weeks, I came into work and my entire desk top was COVERED in hundreds of paperclips. I squealed excitedly and yelled “RYAN!” and he popped up from behind his desk, smiled (Oh my God, so sexy) and said “I’m baaaack!” and we both rushed to the kitchen to talk and catch up. It was one of the best days ever. Ryan also popped the keys of my computer keyboard off and re-arranged them so that the middle of the keyboard spelt “RYAN”. Lol. Cheeky bugger. I loved it.

I am actually, honestly a little bit in love with each of my friends – guys and girls. I love them all SO MUCH, I really do.

The thing with my guy friends is…the flirting. I have a special group of guy friends I enjoy the flirting/sexy banter with and I allow a little of it because I enjoy keeping my ‘flirt game’ strong, you know? So Ron, Ryan, Matt, Patrick…I love the banter with them. So good for my ego and SO. MUCH. FUN.

But when other guy friends want to ‘flirt’ with me, I shut that down IMMEDIATELY. Like I did today with Kyle. Even though I p*ssed him off that day in hospital, we made up and became friends. I think I saw a hurting, lonely guy and I wanted to be a friend. That’s my heart. If I see someone alone, I want to be the first to say “hello” and make them welcome. I’m proud of that part of me. It’s the part I got from my Dad and something I will never change, no matter how much bloody trouble it gets me into (GRRR “Natalie” you b*tch).

Another friend…we’ll call him “Craig” wanted to flirt with me about a picnic blanket and what a couple could use it for (go figure) and I SHUT THAT DOWN IMMEDIATELY. “No, I’m not comfortable with that” I messaged him “Oh. Okay. Sorry” Craig messaged back and we’ve never approached it again. I didn’t like the thought of flirting with him but if Ryan had messaged the same thing, I’d be all over it. Like white on rice!!!

(Tell me about your picnic blanket, RY!!! TELL MEEEEEEEE!!!!)

So I thought about it on the train ride home from the city today.

Why is it okay to flirt with some of my guy friends but not with others?

My answer? Because I fancy them and moreso because I trust them. I trust them to know I am crazy in love with Alun and would NEVER EVER follow up flirtatious banter with anything real. EVER. I like that we both know that and so flirting is okay because it’s just a silly game.

But I don’t allow it with guys I have NO FEELINGS or attraction to. I don’t trust them and I don’t think they will leave it at cheeky banter…I think they’ll take it too far and I don’t want that. So when Kyle wanted to ‘talk dirty’ (ew) with me today over text, I SHUT THAT DOWN, STAT. I texted him “Kyle mate, you are just a friend and I am very uncomfortable with where this text convo is going. I NEED YOU TO STOP” and he kept texting things like “Why are you so afraid?” (trust me, it’s not because I’m scared and if I WAS, you should be a gentleman and stop there) “Why don’t you want to try it?” “It’s just a bit of fun” “Can I just tell you what I think?”

Err NO. YOU CANNOT.

Yuck.

If for instance, I happened to meet Ryan in a stairwell at work (he was always trying to lock me in there, cheeky man. He’d try to shut the door and if he succeeded, he’d press his nose up against the glass on the other side of the door and I’d squeal until he let me back in)…IF he ever tried to lean in for a kiss on that private stairwell – well OMG that would be stomped out before that little fire could even spark. It’s a no from me.

I fancy you because you’re good looking, Ryan. You have a sexy tattoo and a cute face. Your flirt game is SO GOOD and you make me thirsty, I admit that…but I would NEVER take it beyond a cheeky skype/text message to/from you. You have a wife. Save your actual ‘moves’ for her, bud. But Ryan never made a move on me and I love that. I respect that. I enjoy that…so we still text each other every other week and our flirt game is still strong.

The same with Ron. I fancy him and yeah, he’s a DILF. Ron is honestly SOOOO BLOODY HOT. But I’d never actually DO anything about it. EVERRRR. I remember when Ron was leaving hospital, he came to my hospital room to say goodbye early that morning. Ron knocked loudly on the door and scared the sh*t out of me. I thought the cops had arrived! Hahahaha! I opened the door and pulled Ron into my room with a giggle, shutting the door behind us because we aren’t allowed into each other’s rooms – its one of the Hospital rules. Naughty, huh?

But I was okay with it. Ron made fun of how ‘girly’ my room was and said something like “OMG your bed looks so comfy! I wish I’d known about this earlier! I would have slept with you every night!!! AHAHAHAHAH!” and we both laughed. We hugged. INNOCENTLY and when the coast was clear, I let Ron out and he tiptoed down the hall and away. If he had ACTUALLY tried to get into bed with me, I would have SCREAMED THE BUILDING DOWN and ended our friendship IMMEDIATELY. BUT! Because we both know he loves his wife, I ADORE my Alun and we both have a sexy but FRIENDLY chemistry between us both, I was 100% okay with having Ron in my room and the door shut. I loved it. I think back on that morning and without fail, it makes me smile.

As girls, we have to constantly draw the line at where WE feel COMFORTABLE with guys and their behaviour towards us. Some guys can take it a longggg way before I draw that line because 1) I quite fancy them and most importantly 2) I trust them. We both understand it’s just a bit of fun and that we love our actual spouses more than life. That’s the kind of guy I don’t mind a bit of flirty banter with. Anyone else IS OUT.

Girl or Guy – you deserve to have your views and opinions and feelings respected. Don’t let anyone push you into doing ANYTHING you are uncomfortable with – whether it’s sexual or not. If something in you rings alarm bells, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT to STOP IT RIGHT THERE and they should respect that and BACK RIGHT OFF.

That is all.

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