I’ve seen the same phrase/saying on FaceBook a few times now, something like “if your old self could see you now – they would be so proud of you and how far you’ve come”.
ERR NO THEY WOULDN’T.
My old self would just cry, thinking “is this what I look like in the future? Fat, ugly and jobless?”
Because this is my life RIGHT NOW.
I AM SO FAT.
I AM SO FUCKING UGLY.
I feel so incredibly uncomfortable in my body.
I hate seeing my reflection in the mirror.
I hate that my favourite clothes are all too small. They feel like doll’s clothes in my hands. My own clothes!!!
I hate that I don’t have a job and that this Christmas I can’t afford gifts for the people I love. I love giving gifts!!! Not being able to do so feels like a punishment somehow. I hate this.
I hate myself. I hate how I look. I hate how I feel because if I’m not in immense pain and grief, I’m just fed up and burnt out.
I hate all of this.
I’m so thankful the past me can’t see me now.
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