I’ve seen the same phrase/saying on FaceBook a few times now, something like “if your old self could see you now – they would be so proud of you and how far you’ve come”.
ERR NO THEY WOULDN’T.
My old self would just cry, thinking “is this what I look like in the future? Fat, ugly and jobless?”
Because this is my life RIGHT NOW.
I AM SO FAT.
I AM SO FUCKING UGLY.
I feel so incredibly uncomfortable in my body.
I hate seeing my reflection in the mirror.
I hate that my favourite clothes are all too small. They feel like doll’s clothes in my hands. My own clothes!!!
I hate that I don’t have a job and that this Christmas I can’t afford gifts for the people I love. I love giving gifts!!! Not being able to do so feels like a punishment somehow. I hate this.
I hate myself. I hate how I look. I hate how I feel because if I’m not in immense pain and grief, I’m just fed up and burnt out.
I hate all of this.
I’m so thankful the past me can’t see me now.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again" 
3 responses to “Just. So. Uncomfortable.”
That was me just a year back. And now its you.
See, its just time that make us feel this way. No, I won’t say things will go better because it won’t, unless you let go off things you can’t control and stop punishing yourself in a guilt.
The guilt that actually isn’t yours.
I understand how uncomfortable this is but,
It is going the way it has to, it was always going to. Its a normal part of life.
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Hi Ritish, oh my gosh thank you for taking the time to respond to me, I appreciate it so much. You are right, it is what it is and I am the only one who can change it. God willing, I’ll find the strength one day xx
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Btw, just do your best at this time.
I hope your days will come real soon.
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