"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

I love writing cards and letters, you know. LOVE ITTTT.

But whenever I’ve gone through a really hard time, I can’t get my hand to hold a pen without shaking. I used to have really beautiful hand writing – cursive and very pretty and now it’s a shaky, messy scrawl and I somehow can’t seem to spell as well as I used to? Maybe it’s because I rely on technology to spell for me? When I use pen and paper, the spelling’s on me and I’m failing.

I don’t understand why things I used to enjoy – things I used to be good at – are now so bloody hard. Why can’t I write any more?

I feel jipped, angry, frustrated…and a bit scared, to be honest. I need to be able to do things I find enjoyment in but everything stresses me out. Even the tiniest things.

This sucks ass.