"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

Here’s what I know about dating and guys.

Get ready, this is going to be fun.

Going on a date:

• Wear what you feel most comfortable in. If you like dresses, wear one. If you’re more of a jeans and nice top girl (like me!) then wear that. Don’t wear something you’re not used to just because it’s a date and you feel pressure to “look nice”. The best look on you is confidence and the best way to feel confident is to feel comfortable in the clothes you feel best in.
• Don’t order a messy meal on the first date. I mean, definitely eat something if you’re hungry – but try to stay away from sticky things and sauces/things covered in sauce that are likely to end up on your clothes. You don’t want that.
• In Steve Harvey’s book “act like a lady but think like a man” he says that guys really dig girls in high heels. I’m not great at wearing them but I must admit, when I do wear them, I get a lot more attention from guys. Alun likes it a lot. I don’t wear a ‘high’ heel, but even something like a wedge is nice and then I’m not scared I’ll topple over on it. If you can wear heels, put them on. Something about high heels lifts an entire outfit. Jeans and a top with flat shoes is somehow very casual…but jeans and a really nice, fitted, well-tailored top (maybe something slinky? Maybe something with cut outs or pretty capped sleeves?) WITH A PAIR OF HEELS is suddenly super sexy.
• Hygeine is very important. I’ll have to Google how to spell “hygeine” later as I’m not sure I’ve spelt it right. (Well done, JD. You don’t know how to spell). The make or break of a good date might be that you get kissed when your date knows your mouth is clean and minty fresh. The guy (or girl) you’re with are more likely to want to spend time with you when you’re clean, freshly showered and smelling good. You don’t have to shower in perfume (okay I do it, maybe I should follow my own advice) before a date (after a shower) to ensure you smell good…some of the guys that have smelt the nicest are the ones who are just really well showered. The hint of soap on clean skin, that’s the bomb right there. So shower before your date. Clean your ears. Put under-arm deoderant on. BRUSH YOUR TEETH. It makes a big difference, trust me.

GUYS:

(this is what I know so far)

They are problem solvers – so if you want to hash out a problem you’re facing and want to talk about it and examine it from every angel – then a guy is not who you need to talk to, you need to call a girl friend. Guys want to get straight to the point and figure out a quick solution. Keep that in mind when you’re talking to a guy…because he’ll want you to keep conversation meaningful but short and sweet.

Guys take a lot of time to think quietly. We girls will think “oh they’re bored/they’re thinking of someone else/I’m not interesting enough” I think that’s not often really the case. They are probably either literally NOT thinking AT ALL or they’re just thinking something really random. They’re not ignoring you or bored with you and hopefully they’re not thinking of a different woman while they’re with you – they are probably wondering what super power they’d choose if they could or what they could have for dinner or planning their virtual basketball team members. Give guys time to think and to be silent when you hang out with them without getting annoyed/anxious about it, I think they’ll appreciate it.

Guys are so happy to have sex with you that they won’t be judging your body when you’re naked. So don’t worry about stretchmarks or rolls of fat. Don’t worry about jiggly thighs or that your body type will make him run for the hills. HE DOESN’T GIVE A SH*T, he is just excited to be getting it ON with you.

Be VERY CLEAR about what you want with a guy. When a guy asks “Can I go hang with my mates?” and you have had a bad day, your period is raging and you want your guy to stay home. But you don’t tell him. Instead, you shrug “Whatever you want” because you want him to choose you. You want him to recognise that you’re in your bathrobe unusually early in the evening and that you need some support and love – but because you said “do whatever you want”, he understands that as “you can go, I don’t mind a bit” and your guy will give a happy grin, grabs his keys and before you can say “I actually want you home, please”, he’s shutting the door behind him. I’ve been there, many many times. I’ve sat on the couch RAGING because Alun’s gone out when I needed him home. But I wasn’t clear about my needs so off he went with a happy whistle.

If you want a guy to romance you with flowers/poetry – tell him. If you want him to stay home with you, tell him. If you want him to go with you to a meeting you’re anxious about, tell him (as much in advance as you can because you need to give people time, right?) and remind him the day before about the time/reason he needs to be there.

We girls also think we’ve ‘told him’ what we want when actually we’ve been very vague. Guys (in my experience, anyway) are very simple creatures so if I say to my husband Alun “Gorg, I want you to romance me” he’ll nod absentmindedly and forget all about it. Much to my annoyance.

BUT!

If I wait until Alun’s rested after work, he’s had dinner, he’s sung to the radio and he’s sitting in front of the telly and relaxed, then I say to him VERY CLEARLY “Alun, I would really like you to do something for me”. I get his attention. I wait until he is fully facing me and engaged. Then I lay out what I want step by step.

“Gorg” and I’ll smile so Alun knows he’s not being told off or moaned at “I’ve been feeling a bit neglected lately because we’ve both been busy with work”

I let that sink in. I give it time. I wait to see Alun’s nod before I go on.

“So this weekend, I’d like to spend Friday night on a date with you. I’d really like it if we went to dinner and spent quality time with each other”

“Okay cool” Alun will (hopefully) confirm this.

We are both on the same page now. We both know what I want and Alun is happy to go ahead with it.

On Thursday, I’ll text Alun a gentle reminder. Something like: “Looking forward to our date tomorrow night. Love you xx” and he’ll text back “ok” or something infuriating like that…but at least he’s been reminded and he knows to decline invitations from his mates and to set aside that night for me.

Friday night comes, we go out to dinner and we spend time together. I get exactly what I wanted from my husband. Happy days! If Alun’s been especially charming, I’ll give him a BJ. Lucky boy. Then we both go to sleep that night happy.

Awesome.

I can’t just ‘hint’ at my husband, it will go over his head. If I want something, I need to be very clear about asking for it. On the flip side, I do my part to not ask often, to allow Alun a lot of space to do his own thing, to see his mates as much as he wants and I support him in everything he feels passionate about. I try not to ‘crowd’ Alun and I would probably ask SPECIFICALLY for a date night after months of missing him, not every week and not without a good reason. There’s a good balance there, I think.

I’ll add more as ideas/memories come along xx