I was going to write “there’s no excuse for a man hitting a girl” but there are a lot of men in domestic violence situations where it’s the woman controlling them, scaring them and often times beating them/physically hurting them so I changed the title to be more inclusive. Men out there being beaten, I hear you. My heart goes out to you as well as to women.
My friend…we’ll go with “Sally”…was in an abusive relationship. She’s a firecracker, God bless her and she has the mouth of a 18 year old boy. Everything out of her mouth is “F**k this/that” “dumb b*tch” and even the ‘c’ word…which I can’t bear to write, not even with little stars, sorry. That’s just too far for me. So Sally comes across as a bit of a warrior woman, really. Strong, brave and mouthy AF.
But when Sally met Nathan (using his real name because I don’t care about protecting his identity – scumbag), all of that changed. He whittled her down to just an empty shell of herself. He held a gun to her head many times, threatened to kill her (can you imagine?) and would also threaten to leave her, which she was terrified of. Now that Sally has been able to move on without Nathan in her life (his choice, he found new prey and I honestly can’t be more thankful to have my friend free again), Sally is looking back at past abuse and blaming herself.
“But I goaded him on”
“I yelled at him”
“I went on and on even when he told me to shut up”
IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOU SAY TO THE PERSON YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH, THEY HAVE NO RIGHT AND ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE TO LAY HANDS ON YOU.
“I told him he had a small d*ck”
As unpleasant and mean as that is, that doesn’t excuse him punching you.
“I had a go at his job, telling him it was pathetic”
That’s not nice either and probably not something I’d recommend, but it doesn’t give him a right to hit you.
Nothing you SAY deserves to be met with violence. I am not condoning verbal abuse, by the way. I treasure words as my love language and words can hurt as much as a physical injury so I advocate for speaking with love and kindness as much as we can…but if we slip and some awful words/phrases come out…there is STILL no reason we should be physically abused for it.
If someone is hurting you, they are in the wrong. If you have said things you shouldn’t have, then I encourage you to work on that…but it doesn’t give anyone the right to hurt you.
Don’t let anyone punch or hit you, no matter what you’ve said.