The people who tell me most to “cheer up” and “smile, your Dad wouldn’t want you to be sad” are the ones:
1. Who never met my Dad so how would you know what he wants? How fucking dare you?
2. Still have very much alive Dad’s so can’t begin to understand the depth of this grief.
One of my friends…let’s call her “Diane” is the worst for it. “You need to focus on your job”. Diane you HATED your job last year. You cried over it and complained for months and I never once told you to just get over it. Her Mom died over a year ago and she says things like “You’ll be ok” “let go” “stop holding on to the hurt” ERR EXCUSE ME but I’m in week 6 of LOSING MY DAD so shut up. Go back in your memories to week 6 of losing your Mom and have a think about all the things you’re saying to me because they just make me feel worse.
Losing my Dad makes me feel incredibly isolated because everyone else seems to have their Dad.
Unless you too have lost your Dad, then I don’t want any unsolicited ‘advice’ from you on how to navigate this awful, all-consuming grief.
If you don’t know exactly what it’s like…SHUT UP.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again" 
2 responses to “You don’t know…so shut up”
but you see i do
and without you
well hell
do tell
pain both of mind and body
i was the accidnet
mom 48 dad 63
so you see i know
all about being unwanted and unloved
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The worst thing i heard when my dad died was “you have to be strong” & “you have to move on”. It stopped me from crying and I developed PTSD. I agree, sometimes no words are better. No one will understand what it is like for us cos our relationships with our loved ones is so personal.Thank you for wiring about this. It helps so many out there struggling with the same.
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