"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

I left work on Friday with a beautiful card of encouragement and love signed by everyone in my office, a little gift wrapped in flamingo paper (I’m hoping it’s a candle, I love candles) and hope in my heart that now I was going to get the rest and time to think and reset that I’d wanted ever since the day my Dad died.

I breathed out a big sigh of relief when I arrived home on Friday night.

I put on my pjs, smiled at our lovely (messy) home and thought all my worries had gone away – and if they hadn’t, I could deal with them in my own time in the weeks that followed.

That was all crushed yesterday (Saturday) when Mom facetimed me. She checked Dad’s bank account for his fortnightly pension payment and it was empty. It hadn’t been paid for the last month. Mom was in a panic as her Super payment wasn’t going to arrive for another week and she didn’t have any money. Like NONE.

My anxiety went through the roof.

I’ve just given up my job!!!

I don’t have much saved – just $500.00 – even that was hard for me to save, I’m not good at managing my finances. Of course I sent it all to Mom to keep her above water for the week before her Super payment comes.

So I’m down to ZERO and I don’t have a job.

FFS.

Praise God, Tamara from another Recruitment Agency texted me and a 3-week data input job is starting this Monday. I snapped it up so I have employment for the next 3 weeks at least. It buys me time to get something more permanent. Thank you, Father God.

My panic is in trying to do everything in my own strength. I can definitely not keep my Mom afloat on my own. I need some help.

I’ve emailed my local Government office to ask where I go to get Mom financial help and I’ll call Centrelink tomorrow on my lunch break and hope someone there can direct me. I’m praying and hoping Mom can have access to Dad’s Pension payments as they were (are?) married and they did offer pension payments for couples on their online service. I have Mom’s bank details and her phone number in Philippines so I’m hoping Centrelink can offer her SOMETHING to help her financially while she’s in the Philippines.

I honestly thought Dad’s pension payment would be about $250 a week or something? IT’S A THOUSAND DOLLARS A FORTNIGHT.

F*ck.

I cannot afford that on my own.

I’m having an anxiety attack trying to do this all on my own.