"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

So today, I need to come up with a final decision for my boss.

Here’s what’s been going on in the last few days:

I’ve posted on Facebook about my struggle to decide and beloved friends have weighed in – albeit very gently – on it. Some are for staying, some are for leaving. Great.

I decided to have an imaginary conversation with my recently passed-away Dad to get some insight that way. He too was fairly undecided. Great.

I didn’t sleep last night – literally tossing and turning on a decison.

Stay or go?

STAY

or

GO?

What do I do?

I talked with a few of the girls in the office about it who were doing their best to help me. They were so kind and encouraging.

It still didn’t help me make my decision.

So I did some deep breathing.

And I decided that for ONCE in my entire work journey, I would put MYSELF first.

What did I want?

I want a rest.

So I told my boss I was “stepping down” from this role. She nodded and said “good decision, Janet – I’m so proud of you”. I told KW she’d been an AMAZING Manager. She burst into tears. She said I’d been an asset to the office. I cried.

I have high anxiety in my stomach…but PEACE in my heart.

I can have a rest next week. A PROPER REST.

Some much-needed time off.

Time to miss my Dad.

Time to cry.

Time to read books, have cups of tea and grieve my Dad.

Time to sleep.

I think I’ve made a good decision.

I just hope I haven’t let the team down and I hope most of all that I’ve not put any pressure on Alun. I am not “quitting work” in general – I’m just taking a week off and will start a new job when the offers from temp agents come rolling in…which I truly believe they will. No probs.

I can exhale.

I’ve been breathing shallow breaths all day so it’s good to have made a decision and to go with it.

Everything is going to be okay, JD.

I hope you’re proud of me, Daddy.