At around 4am, my phone rang. An international number flashed on the screen and in my half-awake state, I thought “Scammers” and rejected the call. A minute later, my phone dinged with a message.
“Cheeky buggers” I thought “they’re probably leaving me a message on the best phone deals or how they can provide a better internet service. Pfft”
About 20 minutes later, my phone rang again. Same number. Only now, I was a bit more awake and seeing the word “Philippines” under the name jolted me upright in bed.
It can only be my Mom or Dad…and if they’re calling this early in the morning…something is wrong.
“Sweetheart” my Mom’s voice was shaking.
I heard her crying and that was all I needed. I knew before she said the words that my Dad had died. I could tell from my Mom crying. She never cries. My Mom is the strongest woman on the planet so for her to cry…something huge had gone down.
“Your Dad died at 3am this morning” Mom cried harder.
I couldn’t think. Alun got up with me and put his arm around me, in tears already because his soft heart is so sensitive. I couldn’t move or respond appropriately.
Mom’s brokenness and her voice saying “Your Dad is dead” just went around and around in my head.
My Dad can’t be dead.
Just yesterday he messaged me on Facebook messenger that he was sore from the hip replacement operation but that he was okay. I could imagine Dad tapping away on his phone screen as he sent the message, his daggy smile on his face and Mom probably chuckling away at him as he did it…Dad always presses so hard on the screen. In his mind, maybe pressing harder means the message will send better.
Mom said they were supposed to be discharged from the hospital today.
My Dad was supposed to be fine.
How is he dead???
Mom said something about Dad having a cardiac arrest in the night.
“The last time I saw your Dad, he was sat up in bed watching a movie on his iPad…he looked fine” Mom said. I could hear her disbelief at the situation but I could hear her heart breaking and that made it real.
I cried a little this morning. Alun cried more, bless him. My husband has such a soft heart. My Mom cried a lot.
They move fast in the Philippines. They’ve already put my Dad in their morgue. Mom said she will have him cremated and will bring Dad home to Australia.
I can’t believe it’s all happening so fast.
Dad is dead.
How is this real???
How is my Dad in the morgue?!?
HOW IS THIS HAPPENING???
I don’t know what to do. I know I should be in floods of tears but my mind wont’ accept that my Dad is gone. I can’t. I am hoping even now that my alarm will go off for work and wake me up from this horrible, devastating dream.
…but my Mom’s voice…
Even across all these miles, I could hear the truth in her tears.
My Dad is dead.