Angry at the sun

I’m angry that the sun rose today. How could it rise now that my Dad is gone? I’m angry at every car passing our home, mad that people are going about their days when my Dad is no longer with us.

Father God, how is today so beautiful? Why is the sun shining and the cool breeze gliding across Perth when my Dad isn’t here anymore? How is that fair?

Photo by Heiner

Mom Facetimed me about 30 minutes ago. It jolted me as Mom rang from my Dad’s number. I hoped with every fibre of my being in that second as I stared at Dad’s photo on my screen that he really was calling.

“That was a bit of a scare, chook!” He’d chuckle.

“Dad! You rascal!” I’d admonish…but my grin would be spread from ear to ear.

But it wasn’t Dad.

The call connected and Mom’s heart broken face appeared on my screen. Seeing how devastated she is just tore me apart. How I want to run to you, Mom. To hold you tight and take your pain away.

Mom is so lost. She wants to cremate my Dad so that he isn’t buried in the Philippines. I’m grateful for that. Mom doesn’t have any money. Right away, Alun started tapping away on his phone to transfer funds. I love him so much. By himself, Alun is going to pay for ALL the funeral costs. I’m so grateful for Alun in my life.

Mom told me again about how Dad died. She’s staying in hospital with him and last night said she said she’d have a little nap (Mom had a guest bed in Dad’s hospital room). Dad was watching movies on his iPad and nodded. Mom said he looked so happy and well.

Mom woke and checked in on him at 3am. Dad was laying across the bed, the wrong way, with his legs hanging down. Mom said he looked peaceful. She didn’t want to attempt to move him upright on the bed so Mom called for a Nurse.

The Nurse arrived and said my Dad’s face was blue. They did resuscitation on Dad 10 times. No response. Dad had died while Mom was having a nap. Mom is beyond devastated.

Was my Dad trying to get help? Trying to get out of bed? Is that why he was sideways? Did he try to call for help but couldn’t breathe?

Dad!!! What happened?!?

Please Lord, I pray Dad wasn’t in pain. I pray Dad slipped away quietly and peacefully. I pray he didn’t die panicked and alone.

Please God.

Father God, bring my Dad back please.

Not for me…for my Mom who has lost her best friend.

Please, God.

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