To his grave

It’s been 2 years since my brother acknowledged my existence.

That is enough to break my heart.

What REPEATEDLY breaks it is that my parents are OK with my brother’s treatment of me.


I currently have a blood clot on my lung and if it was to move and get into my blood system, I would die from it. Instantly.

Dad called my brother to tell him the ‘news’ of this and asked Jay to ring me.

Jay did not.

And everyone is okay with this.

Except Alun and I. Alun is outraged Jay could be so callous and uncaring. I’m outraged that Jay could be so selfish because I know if roles were reversed, I would call him instantly.

I have a 1 and a half year old nephew I have never met.

I’m fairly sure I will NEVER meet him.

Because Jay will take this grudge he holds against me to his grave. I know it. He would rather be DEAD than to make peace with me. Literally.

I’ve apologised so many times that I’ve lost count.

I saw Mom yesterday (Dad sent me to her house to ‘check’ Mom was okay as she hadn’t answered her phone in two days). It was all going so well until Mom asked if I’d recently apologised to my brother.

“Have you tried saying sorry again?”

Err…have you tried understanding that Jay is a SHIT and I’ve done the best I can?

Have you thought about asking HIM about HIS behavior, Mom?

Because I know if I even attempted to do the same thing to Jay – you would have lost your mind the very second I attempted it. Mom and Dad would have plied me with “this is your family” sermons, texts and phone-calls. My parents would have both cut me out of the family UNTIL I spoke to Jay again.

But because the little golden one has decreed it so, no one is challenging him.

Mom and Dad are scared to be extradited the same way I have been, so they politely brush Jay’s ridiculous behaviour under the carpet.

“Nothing to see here”

It breaks my heart and it makes me sick.

I’ve decided I’m NOT going to apologise again. I’ve done it enough.

If Jay wants to take this to his grave, then I’m done trying to make him change his mind.

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