"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

August 27, 2018

“I’m just giving you tough love because I care”

Well.

Care enough then, to shut your mouth. And keep it closed.

Thanks.

As you can see, I’m not a fan of ‘tough love’. I think when you love someone – it shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t feel like someone is taking a jackhammer to your soul and battering it about while shouting “this will be good for you in the end”

Will it?

Because I think that’s garbage.

I understand the concept of it. I do. It’s when someone wants to stop being gentle with you and they want to tell you off and be rude, blunt and hurtful – and get away with it. The Bible says there is a time for everything. In the case of ‘tough love’, I can see that people would think there was a time for being stern with someone – a time to ‘help’ when it comes to a person ‘snapping out’ of something. I can see in extreme cases where everything else has been tried and has failed that a person might want to be blunt/rude out of sheer desperation. I can understand that.

But I still don’t agree with it.

“Sorry but you smell awful – just giving you some tough love. Have a shower for God’s sakes. Your odour makes my eyes water”

“You talk too much”, “you’re annoying”, “you’re too sickly sweet”, “you’re too much of a pushover”, “toughen up, princess”, “eat some concrete”, “get over it”

“If you just did this/that/the other/lost weight…you’d be so much better/stronger/prettier”

How are these LOVING things to say?

Why isn’t it called “blunt force advice” or “bloody hurtful recommendations” instead of “tough love”? Because that’s how it feels to hear it – ESPECIALLY FROM SOMEONE YOU LOVE. It feels like getting slapped in the face. I suspect that people who like using tough love would probably think a slap in the face was actually a pretty good idea.

I think if you’re going to be rude to someone – then at least own it.

“This is going to hurt to hear, but I think…”

“This won’t be nice and I feel bad having to tell you, but…”

Don’t hide behind “tough love” because it’s not loving. Not one bit.