When I’m depressed, friends I love tell me “count your blessings”, “find 3 things you’re thankful for”, “what things are you happy about in your life?”
And when I’m in the first few stages/levels of depression – I can do that.
So today, here’s what I’m thankful for:
A home to come home to. I don’t know – something about making a ‘home’ around me is something I always do. Ever since I was a little girl. I remember we would go camping and at even only 7 or 8 years old, I would make my tent ‘home’. I’d bring pictures of my family and put them around my sleeping bag. I’d bring my favourite dolls/teddy bears and set them up right by where my pillows went. I’d arrange my sneakers neatly outside the front of ‘my home’ and take great pride in keeping my tent neat, tidy and ‘welcoming’. I don’t know why, but it was very important to me. It always has been.
Even my desk at work is getting more ‘home-like’ by the week.
I love coming home. I love the feeling of home. I love putting my keys into the front door – especially in these cold, blustery winter nights – and knowing I can go inside and be warm and cosy.
I’m thankful for Alun. Today is the 11th anniversary of his best friend hanging himself. 2nd August is hard every year for Alun and every year, he grieves Paul as if he only just lost him. As if it only just happened. Even though he’s going through so much hurt and heartache, Alun doesn’t say a word about it…but he’s spent his day checking in on me. I love that about him. I love that Alun always gives me the best cuts of meat when he serves dinner. He writes me notes when I’m down and makes me laugh until my tummy aches when I’m ‘up’. Al always puts me first, has my back and makes me feel loved in such a wholesome, safe, sturdy, dependable way that I’ve not had before. There are no expectations. There’s no cost and Alun’s not keeping a record of what I owe him. He loves me and I know it because I feel it – not just in my heart…but deep in my bones.
I’m thankful for good friends. You guys are my world and I hope you know that. I’m thankful that I’m surrounded by the best of the best when it comes to friends. I’m blessed, honoured and often in awe of how amazing my friends are.
I’m thankful for pancakes. Fluffy buttermilk pancakes are my favourites. I love pancakes at ANY time of day – there is something so warm and comforting about them, don’t you think?
I’m thankful for books. In this age of technology and iPads – books – real ones written on paper – have become even more special. There is something wonderful about the feel of them in my hands. I like cracking them open. I like lifting the pages to my nose and breathing them in. The scent of a story well told – well, you can’t beat it. Seriously. I love seeing words in print. I love reading a well-written, carefully woven tale.
Lately, I’ve started falling in love with the books – enjoying every phrase and word. I read an awesome story about time-travel that was so gritty, raw and real that it really touched my heart. I read another story about 2 teenagers falling in love – the way it happened was so organic, sweet, honest, pure and downright lovely – that I fell in love with them just reading it. I think it was called “Eleanor and Park”. When the character Park cries at the end of the book, I cried right along with him, my heart breaking over his teenage one as if it was happening to me. The writer of “a fault in our stars” wrote a review about this book and said he loved it. That’s when I knew I was onto something good. I’m so glad I read it. It’s the kind of book you wish you could erase from your mind and read all over again as if it was brand new. Unfortunately for me, the person who wrote “Eleanor and Park” didn’t write anything else 😦 boo. The same for the person who wrote the awesome ‘time travel’ novel – he didn’t write anything else. I want to write to them both and ask “more, please?”
My heart’s wish is for someone to feel that way about my writing.
I started a new blog probably 6 months ago where I started writing a book. The story of my life. Unfortunately – somehow – the first EPIC chapter GOT SENT TO MY DAD of all people (I mean, COME ON!!!!) and it stopped me wanting to try again.
Maybe now I’ve “levelled up”…I can try again.
It would definitely give me something to focus on and I love to write.
I’m thankful for hot water – especially in winter.
I’m thankful for my Uni Degree in Sustainability and Communities because now I see the world through different eyes – eyes that want to create better water catchment throughout the city so that we can capture and keep these winter downpours and store them for the dry summer months instead of watching pure, clean, fresh, amazing life-giving water from the skies go directly into our drains. I see empty plots of land as promising urban gardens. I think of Japanese hotels – with 1-person pods – that we could source and build cheaply and house the homeless with – especially during these winter nights. When I’m cold in the night and can cuddle in close to Alun, turn the electric blanket on (OMG another thing I’m thankful for! I love electric blankets in winter!), and tuck the thick doona around myself…I think of the homeless. Alun and I take canvas bags with us whenever we go shopping so that we don’t add to the use of plastic bags. I’m hoping more people will use canvas bags and that we find a way to reuse plastic for other things – I’ve seen furniture made from plastic and it’s amazing. I’ve also seen youtube videos of plastic bricks used as foundations for cheap houses and they look pretty cool, too. Maybe we could use the plastic we have NOW for better things and stop making future plastic. I hope we can also find more sustainable ways of eating meat. I hope we farm and fish in ways that don’t just obliterate animals but find ways to help them grow and prosper, too.
We can use their poo as fertiliser and grow amazing organic fruits and vegetables. If we fish sustainably we allow fish to repopulate instead of just ruling them out. The same with cattle. It would be nice to help them all grow and repopulate as fast as we are repopulating as humans.
I wouldn’t think this way without everything I’ve learnt in my Uni course.
I’m thankful for roses – the more I’m learning about the different types there are, the more I love them. I hope when (See that, God – WHEN – because I trust in you here) Alun and I buy a home of our own, I can have a rose garden. I’d like red and orange roses. I’d like to grow some “David Austen roses”. I’d like to grow vintage French roses. I’d like to find a way to grow the roses I’ve seen lately that have an ‘ombre’ effect on their petals – 3 shades of orangey-red that go from light to a darker colour – all on the one rose.
I’m thankful for movies. I love them so much! I love going to the movies and I love watching them at home. They’re my escape, I guess. My drug.
Random, but I’m thankful for the youtube videos of Jake Gyllenhall skipping. There is something so beautiful about the way he does it – it has me mesmerised every time I see it. Sexy AF.
I’m thankful for my job – because even though it’s pushed me to my absolute limits – it’s also paid for me to be a financial help to Alun and a blessing to my friends.
I sent my beloved “adopted brother” LB a box of chocolate brownies. Seems silly sending 6 brownies to someone who saved my life – but that’s all I could think of at the time. He means the world to me and it was so fun to send something cool in the post to him.
Then today, I got to send my cousin a “Chocolate bouquet” – I thought it would suit a guy more than sending actual flowers. He loved them 🙂
I also got to send my “Adopted parents” Pete and Lyn flowers and wine. Flowers for Lyn (which she loved and sent me 3 excited texts over) and a bottle of fancy red wine for Pete – which I know he’ll enjoy with cheese and crackers later tonight after a long day of hard work.
I also rang a florist I met yesterday – I wandered into her florist store in the West End and LOVED it – to book her in for a floral arrangement for tomorrow. Her arrangements were so beautiful and so fairly priced – a beautiful posey of roses for only $30 – you wouldn’t get that anywhere else in the city. So I rang her today and asked her to make a special arrangement up for me and send it to my favourite Doctor.
“What do you want me to write in the card?” she asked. I could hear the smile in her voice.
“Um, can you write ‘Dear Dr D…you are my favourite person in the world – apart from Alun’?”
The Florist – Donna – laughed “OMG that’s so cute! I’ll make sure I deliver a nice bunch to her first thing tomorrow morning”
I love that I can do things like this now that I have money.
No savings to speak of, but today some people I love got gifts from me delivered to their homes. And tomorrow when Dr D starts her practice – she’ll get a vase of roses and other lovely flowers arranged perfectly by someone who loves flowers – from me 🙂 She can keep them on her desk, maybe – and whenever she looks at the flowers, she can be reminded that she’s someone’s favourite.
WORTH EVERY CENT.
Okay, I’m struggling to keep my eyes open and Alun is due home in an hour.
I can’t wait to cuddle him.
OMG I’m thankful for cuddles 🙂