It’s been a very busy week and a bit since I last wrote. The last time I wrote, I thought my emotions (mostly coming hard and fast and out of nowhere for no reason at all) and erratic hormones threatened to do me in. Seriously.
But I’m okay. Praise God, I’m doing better with every day that passes.
Mostly thanks to the amazing friends God has placed in my life. I was able to talk with Roz, G and be encouraged online through a friend who lives in Melbourne (Troy) and found myself more and more able to calm down
with those I loved encouraging me that I was not, in fact, crazy – and that everything really would be okay.
Deep down somewhere inside my panic, I knew that…but having G’s gentle voice assure me that the world was really a beautiful place after all did wonders for my anxiety. I’m so glad he was there and that he stayed on the phone with me until breathing didn’t hurt my chest any more. I’m really blessed by the friends I have.
On Friday morning, I was on the bus, beginning my 4-hour trek to the small country town of Narrogin where Alun’s working on Uni prac/placement. It was thrilling to go on an adventure and exciting to see where Alun worked and lived in these weeks while he’s been away. I dont know if it’s a guy thing or something Al has in common with many of my past romances, but I think guys like to show you “their world” and it brings you so much closer when you see where they work and what they do.
I arrived at Narrogin’s Hospital Emergency Ward 15 minutes early after a 4 hour journey that I loved every minute of (honestly – it was so beautiful and peaceful!) and sat swinging my feet while waiting for Alun on a (thankfully) empty bench. He eventually burst through sporting his amazing smile and neatly pressed Nurse’s uniform. Al looked so handsome and I felt so proud. We spent 4 days walking around hand in hand as Al showed me his “quarters” (very much like a backpacker’s hostel), introduced me to all his friends and colleagues (I felt so blessed to be called Al’s “fiancee” so many times) and showed me around the small town of Narrogin which is…absolutely beautiful. It must have been the perfect season to visit as everything was so green, so bright and so very stunning. All the houses are huge, encased beautifully with wide, wooden verandahs and brimming over with every flower in every imaginable colour. Almost every home had a white picket fence (aww!) and a welcoming garden. It was amazing how HUGE the plots of land were and there wasnt a house that didnt have 5-6 bedrooms. Amazing.
Al’s co-workers are all young students, full of life and laughter. I liked them all so much. While Al was working on his last Uni assignment, Crystal and Binmein (both tiny Chinese girls who were stunning!) took me on a ‘quick walk around Narrogin’ which ended up being a bush walk/trek for almost 2 hours. Let me tell you, I struggled to keep my eyes open later at dinner and slept soundly that night…despite how cramped Al and I were in his single bed 🙂 I got to see 4 Kangaroos out in the wild and marvelled at how much Narrogin reminded me of my home town of Gove in the NT. I love that everyone knew each other and shouted out friendly greetings as they went about their day. I’ve really missed that here in Perth.
I’m worried though…because after Al’s initial big smile at seeing me arrive safely, it disappeared and I even witnessed a few times where Alun broke down and cried while I was away this weekend. These last few pracs have broken him down (he hates being ignored by the staff and largely having nothing to do for weeks on end and wants to be in on all the action and helping people) as well as seeing each of his friends – one by one – post on facebook about being accepted for Graduate Programs when Alun was declined every single application he made. And he made so many with an eager and excited heart. I dont understand how someone with Al’s passion, intelligence (he graduates with High Distinction average) and skill gets turned down again and again. He now has no job, no prospects…and no hope.
It breaks my heart so see him in such despair.
Alun’s lost his hope. It is one of the most distressing things I have ever witnessed.
Al without hope is like a balloon with no air. He literally looks deflated and his down-turned mouth brings such sorrow to us both.
I dont know what to do to help Alun and I desperately want to. If I could give my right arm to see Al’s hope and excitement for the future return, it would already be severed off. Even if all I had was a plastic spoon. That’s how much I love him and long to see his smile return. While I’m waiting for an answer on what to do, I’ve been praying throughout the night and day – any moment that I am awake and lucid, I am praying for God to bring breakthrough and blessing in Alun’s life.
Al called last night to say goodnight. He sighed wearily into the phone. Brokenly, he said “I dont even want to be a nurse, Janet. I don’t want to be anything, anymore”
Lord God, please bring hope to Alun. Please show me how to be a source of encouragement and strength.