I dont want to forget:

Things I don’t want to ever forget:

When Pete, Lyn and Troy had a “Janet Intervention” for me when I was at my worst with my depression. They all came over, brought kick-ass snacks and helped me unravel the HUGE UGLY tangle I’d gotten myself into.

When Gracie drove from Ellenbrook to throw out a dead mouse for me. Stupid, but I’d just broken up with Jon and seeing a dead mouse on the living room floor made me think “I have no husband now to deal with this…Im on my OWN” and I cried for hours. Gracie came and not only got rid of the horrible mouse, she took me out for dinner and didnt once call me a “wuss”.

When Jonathan filled the entire house with flowers after I’d worked my first ever week at work.

When Pete and Lyn called from Australia (I was in England) and Id just broken up with Jon. They put me on speaker and spoke to me just the way I always dreamed and hoped MY parents would talk to me. They supported me, loved me, made me their FIRST PRIORITY and sent hundreds of dollars to my bank account “just in case”. They’ve never asked for it back or even mentioned it.

Whenever I woke up in hospital and always had someone I loved beside my bed…whether it was Jay shifting about uncomfortably on his chair, Aubrey and Justin talking about the farm, Families coming as an entire-ity and filling up my room (the Edgecombes, the Macri’s, Shiryan and Nikita brought their Moms), The Bible Study group from Joondalup coming in and praying for me so I didnt miss out, Caris, Jess and Sonya sitting around me with pizza and making me feel “normal” for that brief period of time, Mom kissing me on the head and trying to feed me, Dad trying to dispense “Dad fact” wisdom, Troy holding my hand and shaking his head sadly, Gracie, Dan and Cony breaking things and laughing and getting us told off for “being inappropriate”, Deane bringing all manner of “I.T” things to keep me from being bored (and reminding me so much of something Jon would do)…so many visits from the people I love. Sometimes there was one beloved face and sometimes 16 friends all at once (the semi circle they made around my bed made me dizzy because I had to constantly shake from left to right to fit everyone into my view?). How blessed am I, please?

When Caris saw a picture of me as a 21 year old VERY THIN (I was in hospital for anorexia) beautiful girl on the fridge, hugged me and said “You look just the same now, Janet” with all sincerity.

How great it felt to be granted my first ever loan with AppleMac. I will print out the “congratulations” today and put it on my fridge (anything thats DEAD IMPORTANT or special goes on the fridge door).

How THRILLED I am to be taking on some UNIVERSITY STUDIES this November.

The great “I can take on the world” feeling I got when I drove the beaten-up truck back to the farm in Beverly (the day before my accident) – only 2 kilometers, but I DROVE and it felt amazing.

When Uwe and Mark came to visit me in Royal Perth Psych ward and wanted me to be able to leave quickly because they hated seeing me in there. I hadn’t seen either of them for 8 years and it felt like no time at all had passed.

The first time Alun kissed me. Everything I thought about him changed. EVERYTHING.

The overwhelming feeling of “home” I get when I come into Mom’s flat and she’s sat on the couch (normally wearing those ridiculous glasses of hers) and her face lights up and she exclaims at me and is so happy to see me.

When I was cold in bed with Mom and my feet were like ice blocks. Mom cuddled me from behind and put her little brown feet over mine and I felt like I was 3 years old again. Warm and safe in my Mom’s care.

How Gary looked………different….leaning against a pole waiting for me to arrive at Mandurah Train Station. My heart skipped a beat. He is always on time, always greets me with a warm hug and huge smile and always has some crazy adventure planned that he knows I’ll love…and he’s never wrong about that sort of thing.

How AMAZING it felt to hear Matt’s voice, get his random texts and not feel anything. I am finally over that man. 20 years. 20 VERY LONG YEARS later and Im over him. Alun has been the first guy in my life to make me forget Matt. Not even Jon could pull that off and Jonathan was incredible. Alun’s done it and done it so carefully, gently and lovingly that I didnt even notice at first. WOW. Seriously…WOW.

How mornings in particular were like HELL but being able to watch Mr and Mrs Edgecombe go through the exact same routine every morning helped alot. Mr Edgecombe would lift Megan the dog out of her cage (her legs were all bandaged for some reason) and then he’d sit at the table in the kitchen, have the exact same amount of wheatbix, and then carefully peel and slice a banana every morning for his “lunch” later that afternoon. Seeing those bananas peeled the same way every morning was oddly really comforting. It helped me get through “the darkness”…so did Dad’s ‘books on tape’. To be able to just LISTEN to something and distract myself from the incredible overwhelming PANIC I felt as I was waking every morning was a God send.

When Douglas called from England – just like he said he would.

When Joey’s Mom (Mrs Thomas) emailed me and was really supportive and loving – it blessed me so much.

A “good morning Janet” text from Alby would arrive faithfully every day. I need to remember that always.

I dont want to forget these good things. I hope God brings me many more 🙂

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