I’ve written a post already in the past titled “Families we choose for ourselves”.
Do you know, its my most popular blog post? 163 hits. To me, that’s pretty impressive. Makes me smile whenever I see that number go up. I think it goes up a few digits every few weeks. It must hit home with people. I guess a lot of people really like it.
To keep myself alive, away from Bunnings and away from thoughts of rope and ending my life, I’m going to write about the family I have around me.
Not the biological kind – the kind that in my case – actually do me some good.
Alun is my family. He is everything to me and I couldn’t wish for anyone better because he’s honestly the BEST person I know. I’m so incredibly blessed of God to be his wife.
Marc R – a very sarcastic young man in Liverpool – is my adopted little brother. I actually even call him “LB” because of that very fact. I adore him and he’s been there for me when I’ve not had the strength to move forward. When depression is at it’s heaviest upon me, he’ll goad on on with a cheeky insult and I’ll rise up to say “excuse me?” and then he’ll laugh and coax me on a little further…a little further…a little further…until I’m okay again. I think the world of him and I’m so glad I met him all those years ago. I don’t think he’ll ever admit to it, but I think he adores me right back. I feel it in my heart, you know. I know it’s there and I know it’s real.
Christabel – is my adopted little sister. We drive each other nuts, but she means the world to me and on the odd days where we don’t talk on the phone (we talk pretty much every single day), I really, really miss her. I can tell Christabel anything and even when I’m completely in the wrong, she never judges me or makes me feel bad. She’s stern when she has to be, but mostly Christabel makes me feel happy to be me. I think that’s a wonderful thing to make someone feel.
Andrew B and Kim D are like cousins that I adore. I love them both so much. I think I’ve adopted them in an organic way – if that makes sense? They’re in my life and I couldn’t imagine it without them. They’re my cheer squad, and they always remind me that I’m loved and not alone. I tell them all the times I’ve messed up and they both remind me that there is always tomorrow and always another chance to do it right the next time. They’re amazing.
Like I said before, Mary-Ellen, Sue and Christine are like Aunties to me. They’re older, wiser and I look up to them sooo much because they know so much and are always so patient with me as I’m learning. Mary Ellen is very intuitive, Christine is very forgiving and Sue is gracious and refined. I love learning from them all and being in their company. I’m so glad I met them all at Diabetes when I worked there. I’m so honoured they include me in their scrapbooking and picnic days. They’re all huge blessings in my life.
And as you’ve already heard if you’ve read my blog, Pete and Lyn are like parents to me. In my lifetime I’ve had other “parents” too… Dalton and Pauline, Jon’s parents (oh how I miss Joan – my heart longs to talk to her so very much), Dawn P from Church, Bola Senior from Church – women who have taken me under their wing and taught me, uplifted me, encouraged me, fixed me, healed me and sent me on my way – stronger and better than ever before. They’ve all touched my life in significant ways.
I’m struggling tonight and keeping a wary eye on the digital clock on phone and on this laptop – counting down the hours until Alun is home to me again.
I will keep moving forward – hour by hour until this call to end my life ebbs away.SHARE
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