so much nothing

I’ve spent most of today writing which has been really good. I’m getting there on my Memoirs and it’s exciting thinking that one day soon I’ll be sending the manuscript to Olympia Publishers in the UK and Austin MacCauley in New York.

Can you imagine if one of them wants to publish it?

My imagination has run wild and in my mind, I’ve already paid off the house and brought Alun a brand new Audi. I have no idea how much writers make or how much a book deal pays. Hahahhaah. What if it doesn’t pay anything at all?

Do you know…even if I don’t make any money at all…I will just be proud to have a published book out there. I read on a site that once a book sells more than 29,000 copies, the Author starts to make some really big money. I would be happy to sell just 29 copies. HAHAHAHHAA.

What is my life?

I just wanted to catch you up on my life, really. I’m existing. I’m not depressed but I’m not quite at happy yet. I’m somewhere floating about in the middle but quietly hoping for the best.

I’m happy in my new job, mostly because of my new friend Michelle who I work with. We are both in Admin so we have the same boss and I think we spend 5 out of every 7 hours of every work day just laughing. Like that deep belly laugh where you cry and stop making noise, you just judder? That type of laughing. Michelle has this thing she does where she starts laughing before she’s finished her sentence because she’s already found it hilarious – so multiple times a day, she’ll call out to me (we sit in the same office and our desks are only about 2 meters away from each other) “Janet” and I’ll look over at her cute little face and she start to tell me but end up laughing hysterically so I’ll get something like “Remember when Damien said…he said..HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!!” and she’ll be bent over her desk crying laughing. Her laugh makes me laugh and we’ll both be howling and I’ll still have no idea what the hell she’s on about. My days are like that. I can’t thank God enough.

Alun’s meeting with his boss was to find out why he so badly wanted to leave Trauma and he didn’t get fired and was fine. I’d had about 12 heart attacks from anxiety over Alun being fired, but Alun took it all in stride, bless him.

I got my hair straightened over the weekend so I really like having hair I can brush easily and I’m hoping it gives me a bit more confidence to wear the clothes I like rather than just wearing black pants and black tops every day and hoping I’ll fade away into nothingness.

Physically I think there’s something wrong with me but maybe it’s just that I’m terribly overweight and OLD so that I think everything hurts but it’s literally just life? I don’t know. I have to see my Doctor to get a repeat prescription so maybe a few blood tests and scans just to make sure I’m okay wouldn’t hurt?

I don’t even know what to say any more. I just wanted to write so you don’t forget I’m here.

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